Gayer than Pride

Good Morning!

I'm going to start by acknowledging the Supreme Court's marriage equality decision. I have many many thoughts and many many feelings that I'll get to later in this post.

But first, a personal story. Because when on this blog do I shirk enormous political events to talk about myself? All day, every day. Responsibility. But my personal story is enormously relevant to the pride events this weekend both in Chicago and across the nation and I will address it, I promise. So I'm not being incredibly self involved, I'm being relatable. Anyway, we go.

As frustrated red line users and queers across Chicago know, this Sunday we celebrated gay pride with a parade, public intoxication, and shinaniganery. This year I did not take part, but did the only thing gayer than Chicago pride, which is going to suburban Virginia to meet my partner's family!

Wednesday morning Mags and I got up early, boarded a plane, and headed east. Mags had never brought anyone home to Virginia and, having never been in a relationship before, I've been flying by the seat of my pants since January. There was so much new territory to be covered and we were both pretty psyched. I was also crawling out of a weird Nyquil induced slumber because neither of us have great timing with getting sick and meeting parents. It's just a thing with us.

Mags' dad picked us up from the airport and drove us to their house in the burbs. Within 5 minutes I learned where my partner gets their incredible calmness and total lack of what might be considered road rage from. We got home much faster than expected. Upon arrival, Mags' mom hugged Mags, burst into tears, and within five seconds inquired about their mohawk and nose ring. At dinner Mags' dad told us his college tomfoolery and I got to hear about nine embarrassing stories from Mags' childhood. Mag's parents are delightful humans and I really enjoyed meeting and spending time with them. By the end of the night I felt like the meeting of the parents/partner had gone really well. We slept like rocks.

Then we woke up and went to Dinosaur Land.

Easily the pride of Virginia. In middle of nowhere rural Virginia some dude bought like 40 dinosaur replicas and set up what is best called a "theme-yard" to display them. For a mere $6, you can see 1970's replicas of dinosaurs as well as King Kong and A SHARK. Wow. I'm sold. Mags shares my love of reptiles and campy weirdness so this was a win-win. We were definitely the oldest people there and I think its safe to say we had the most fun.

Also, their gift shop was suuuuuper racist. You could get a confederate flag on anything! They sold "figurines" and "black figurines." Ignorant Yankee that I am, I assumed we were done with the Civil War centuries ago. Not the case. For real Virginia, how are you not uncomfortable with that? I mean, the store was staffed exclusively by white people, and only white people were shopping there, so maybe no one thought about how incredibly disrespectful, racist, and backwards the gift shop was? I doubt that. Get your shit together Dinosaur Land gift shop. Stop being a racist bigot.  

On a lighter note, we had pie twice that day. Mags probably loves pie more than they love me, and on principle I don't turn down dessert ever, so it's worth noting a two pie day.

That night we looked at old photo albums. I saw Mags' crazy curly hair, cute phases, awkward phases, triplet siblings, etc. It was the most adorable hour of my life and I'm so happy it happened.

The next morning I woke up and Mags was like, "Hey baby, the Supreme Court just passed the marriage equality bill" and I was like "WHAT? I'm so happy and how did I not know they were ruling on this now?" I'm a terrible homo. Anyway. We were super excited and then we drove to Richmond!

After Mags waited out 2 hours of stop and go traffic with the calmness of a yogi, we drove an hour to Richmond to hang out with their lovely friend Dustin. Dustin met us at the parking garage and showed us around Richmond. If you've never been, it's absolutely beautiful.

That night we went to an event celebrating marriage equality at an old theatre called The Byrd. It was a quick, powerful little shindig both celebrating the achievements our community has made in achieving marriage equality, and acknowledging how much work needs to be done particularly in protecting the rights and lives of trans people and people of color within the queer community (more on this later). Then I got basil ice cream and the world was perfect.

From there we got a fancy dinner at an old hotel that was covered in alligators (statues, we were bummed too) that I don't remember the name of. Mags had a hole in the butt of their jeans and I was in short shorts, but luckily for us, Dustin knows what he's doing and steered us in the right direction. Mostly. There was a little bit of wine glass confusion, napkin misplacement, squash blossoms, and a general lack of understanding of anything on the menu, but our waiter was a champ and didn't make fun of us to our faces. Everything tasted like it fell out of heaven.

Then we hit up the gay bars. Richmond has a more hoppin' gay scene than I expected. Chicago's scene is primarily young gay white boys, but Richmond proved more diverse all around. And cheaper. And less rave-y. Go you Richmond. Also, go you jello shots. I had a great time.

The next morning we had brunch at a diner with Dustin and his friend who just happens to be a gay ex-monk. As if Dustin wasn't cool enough to begin with, he's friends with an ex-monk. What a gem of a human.

When we got back to Mags' parent's house we watched their old recital videos. Every requirement of our dance recital drinking game was fulfilled, air bites and all.

Potentially the weirdest part of our trip to northern Virginia was the Franciscan picnic we attended the morning we left for Chicago. Mags' parents warned us ahead of time that the group was conservative and might not be so open to a queer couple, but we thought it would be fun to see what happened so we went anyway.

When we walked up to the pavilion, Mag's dad introduced his kids. Mags' sister Jess found herself in a "go in for a handshake, but receive a hug from an elderly Franciscan" situation. When Mags was introduced, the Franciscan stared at them, gave a quick handshake, and walked off. I got introduced somewhere in there as something other than an offspring.

That was weird so we hung out by the drinks (so much diet soda) and a woman struck up a conversation with us. Mags introduced themself as Vladamir's (code name used for the purpose of this blog) spawn and I introduced myself as Mags' partner. I like the term partner because it doesn't imply a gender role, but signifies that we're together. Sometimes people think that we're married, which is not the case, but once you explain it to people, they get it. Within seconds of introducing myself as Mags' partner, this woman asked if I was their friend. I corrected her, "no, we're dating, I'm their partner." Never mind that we'd been kissing and holding hands in front of everyone for a good half hour. Despite multiple corrections from Mags and me, she continued to refer to me as a friend and it was real weird. Throughout the picnic every time we looked up we were getting stared at and it was super uncomfortable. Mags got really uncomfortable and made a terrorism joke, which went over far better than I could have imagined. But still, we'd reached our conservative Catholic limit, so we spent most of the picnic away from the group.

To be fair, we did talk to some really nice people. A few old guys sat with us and made conversation. That lady who refused to acknowledge our relationship was not outright aggressive. It went better than it could of. Some of these people had apparently never seen a queer before. And now they were seeing two of them kissing each other. So maybe they had some questions. But just a suggestion: if someone makes you uncomfortable, maybe don't stare at them. No one likes being stared at. It's super weird. And if you have a question, asking it in a way that respects that person's privacy and with the knowledge that they can chose to not be a teachable moment, is better than avoiding them.

Exhausted, we said goodbye to Mags' parents and headed to the airport.

It felt so good to be back in Chicago. When we got off the train in Wicker Park, we were in the middle of the pride festivities. Rainbows were everywhere, drunk queers were everywhere. We were exhausted. On our way into an incredibly well stocked Walgreens to grab some snacks this guy gave us some sort of congratulatory nod. Like, "way to go queers, ya'll can get married now! Thanks for representing yo!" All we wanted to do was eat nachos, drink beer, and hole up with the new season of Orange is the New Black like the good, hermity queers that we are.

And that's exactly what we did. And it was so good.

I'm obviously thrilled to pieces that any of my friends who want to get married can get married, regardless of their sexual preferences. What a bullshit prejudice anyway. We're still going to love each other, it's about time we received the same validity as heterosexual couplings. So thank you very much SCOTUS for bringing a basic human right to everyone. You made a lot of people feel acknowledged and loved and a little safer.

However, there is still work to be done. At the celebration in Richmond, Rev. Lacette Cross and Rev. Carolyn J. Mobely read some beautiful vows to rededicate the community to continuing to make the world a better, safer place for LGBTQ people. Their video is worth watching, and only three minutes long, so take a look.

Yeah, I'm done here. They said it beautifuly.

Enjoy your post pride hangovers, congrats America, and have a good week everyone.

Kaitlyn

Pro Queer Space Argument to be thrown into the gauntlet of tumblr critique.

Ayeeeee

So I haven't updated this puppy in a while. Mostly because I've been dancing more than I've ever danced before and when I'm not working, biking to work, icing my thass, or dancing, I am sleeping. (Or binge watching Pretty Little Liars, but that's another thing entirely.) 

I'm also friending said dancers on facebook. After a few weeks of being like "please God, don't find my blog" I was like, "fuck it. They've seen me face-plant into a yoga mat in a high cut leotard, they can handle the mess of personal information I've disclosed to the internet over the past four years." 

National Coming Out day was last week and I'm on season three of Pretty Little Lairs, this is enough of an excuse for me to post something about the importance of queer spaces. 

I've seen some interesting articles popping up on my facebook about the death of gay culture. In Chicago with that slew of boystown bars closing, people are starting to question the need for queer spaces. So I'm going to throw my 2 cents to the pro-queer spaces bucket. 

To address the aforementioned (5 point word) article, Boystown has it's problems. Firstly, it's BOYstown. This would indicate that it is a space for cisgender gay dudes. Which is basically what it is. And every time I go, I've realized it's primarily a space for specifically white young cisgender gay dudes. I'm not going to bother looking up the stats, but if Chicago's biggest gayborhood is not a place for 6 out of 7 humans on the LGBTQIA spectrum, or racially inclusive, we have a problem. 

Similar arguments can be made against pride and market days. Is the best display of queerness really to get day drunk and dance around in our underwear? Nahhh. 

We do need to make our safe spaces more inclusive, but phasing out queer spaces in favor of general acceptance is not the way to go.

Living in Chicago, it's easy to forget that not every place is as gay friendly as most cities. My high school and neighborhood was not particularly gay friendly. I knew 2 dudes who were gay and out at my high school. When one of them tried to start a GSA the administration told him he couldn't. Now this is a school with a bible club and sports teams with try outs. You can have those organizations and reject the GSA. That's telling the gay kids that they don't have any allies. And if the administration doesn't accept gay kids, do you thing students will? I can acknowledge that 2009 was a different time (tumblr didn't exist, so being queer wasn't trendy). But my private Catholic College was more accepting of my gayness than my huge public high school would have been had a figured my shit out before I was 19. 

Come on now.

And my story isn't half as bad as most people's. So keep your small town queers in mind next time you try to dismantle a gay mecca. Sometimes the idea is enough to let people know they belong even if they don't actually live there.

Even in Chicago, I feel the most comfortable in the gay spaces (Taking into account that I'm a white, cis-gender, able bodied, middle class lady, but for the sake of the argument:) Everywhere outside of Halsted you're straight until proven gay. If I'm walking around holding hands with anyone but a dude, I'm in the minority. A minority that's accepted, but still someone that gets more than a casual glance from people walking by. If I'm in boystown or at pride, everyone assumes everyone is gay. I can wear cargo shorts and bro tanks without getting looks. Unless there's some huge genetic rift, this is just how it's going to be. As someone who likes to keep a low profile, I appreciate pockets where no one bats and eye.

Lastly, there's just something cool about a bunch of non-hetero's in a room together. Groups of straight girls get to bond over their lust for Leonardo DiCaprio literally anytime they want. If you're in a room with a lady human, chances are she is in love with Leonardo DiCaprio. And you can just relate till the cows come home. I don't get it. But you do you. Not that every non-straight non-cis person is exactly the same, but there's usually some common ground.

"who sells men's jeans that will accommodate my ass and thighs?" 

"of course I knew Ellen Paige was gay before Valentine's day 2014,"

"how many holidays did you have to wear combat boots and flannel before someone figured it out" 

"do you want to get coffee sometime?" 

I could go into a whole gay hallmark drama about that coffee date, but you get what I'm saying. And sometimes I wish I could put all the queers in a fishbowl so I could find dates. Don't lie. You've thought it. Unless your a dude in theatre, no sympathy. 

So yeah. Lets not do away with those gayborhoods just yet. Let's make them totally embracing of people of color, trans folks, people with disabilities, etc. That needs to happen. 

And also, could we get some low key bars up in here? Like, some place that doesn't have a smoke machine or subwoofer? Or maybe a knitting club? I would totally be down for a gay knitting club. 

Grandma out. Have a good night. 

How Not to Out Someone

It's June Friends!

If you remember from last year, June is Gay Pride month and I have been in full swing celebration. Orange is the New Black came out, I went to Midsommarfest, watched the Tony Awards, and worked a discussion about lesbians in literature last night.

So I'm handing out programs and a man walks up to me. With no introduction he asks, "So are you a lesbian?" Because I was working a queer lady centered event and I'm comfortable enough with that label I gave a straightforward "yes." But for the record, there are about a hundred less weirdo ways to ask someone if they're gay.

Generally, it's not of the utmost importance that you know someone's sexuality, but we all find ourselves in situations where we want to know. Here are some way less weird ways to handle yourself in a situation when you are unsure of someone's sexuality and are just dying to find out.

1) First of all, get to know the person. Asking a total stranger about their sexual preference is super weird.
2) Caveat: if you're in a bar/club/flirting situation adopt the "everyone is gay" perspective. If the flirtee turns out to be straight, move on! People assume I'm into dudes all the time. No offence taken. Getting tastefully flirted with can be flattering, even when there's nothing to be gained.
3) Bring up some gay topics with them. Ask if they're going to pride, drop a few tv references (think Glee, Skins, Pretty Little Liars, RuPaul's Drag Race).
4) Talk about yourself first. I'm pretty out, but I am more comfortable coming out to someone if it's part of a conversation rather than a one sided questioning. That can start feeling like an interrogation. No one likes that.
5) Ask them what they think of X celebrity. This is a good option because celebrities of all genders are super attractive. So if someone doesn't want to come out to you they can say "oh I would kill for Donald Glover's abs." They can be ambiguous or they can take the opportunity to say "oh I would kill for Donald Glover's abs but I would jump down Olivia Wilde's pants." Or "I would jump down Donald Glover and Olivia Wild's pants." Limitless.
6) "You play softball?" *wink* (winking is key)
7) Gents, I need some help with stereotypes beyond "are you a theatre major?" and "did you go to an all boys Catholic school?"

Jokes aside, the point I'm trying to make is that a person's identity is their own business. There are plenty of reasons why someone might not want to come out. Asking directly is effective, but if the only escape route is lying, you've just cornered someone into an uncomfortable situation. Asking directly in public adds more pressure to an already tense situation. Don't do that. If you're going to go the direct route do it privately after you've gotten to know the person.

More importantly, consider why you need to know this person's sexuality. If it's to crack a joke or embarrass them, don't ask. Make sure you have a valid reason to ask. People will tell you if you they want you to know. Don't create an awkward situation by rushing the answer out of them.

Kaitlyn

I Graduate In 3 Months.

*Vomits everywhere*

Hey there geckos. (I think I'm just going to start using animals as gender neutral crowd addresses. Like "hey cats" or "what up dog." It'll eventually appear normal.)

So it's been a while. I've been getting back to school, settling in to my last semester of college, and trying to figure out what I'm going to do when I'm out in May. If I'm being perfectly honest (which I am because this is the internet and everything is unquestionably true) today is the first day since December that I didn't have a quarter life crisis over graduating college.

I know that every newly minted "adult" goes through this, whether its graduating high school or college or whatever form of education you manage to keep yourself in past your mid teen years. Last semester I was checked out and ready to go, but now that I'm actually getting close, I've lost all drive to do adult things and have regressed to this directionless little life form that after 3 minutes of googling job apps ends up on facebook (seemingly by default) out of fear of not having my ducks in a row.

That's over dramatic, I know. But you have to understand, I was the kid who panicked when my mom moved the green recliner (that I never sat in) to a different corner of the room. Literally "world crashing down around me" type reaction to the unexpected rearrangement of furniture. This is probably comparable to moving thousands of chairs (all different colors) all over my small three bedroom apartment.

Also I'm going into theatre. So my job is basically to emote.

BUT TODAY was a five star day and I started to figure my shit out. And I think that's worth sharing.

So I'm taking a too good for words class about feminist (read: oppressed/minorities) critique of theatre. It is glorious. Consistently the best 2 hours of my Tuesday/Thursdays. Never did I think my passion for feminist discourse and theatre would collide, but they have and I am loving every minute of it. I could seriously go for days about this class, I'm realizing more about who I am as a person and what I can contribute to theatre, and learning about all these kick ass humans making kick ass theatre that is so powerful and new and breaks down all the barriers that I have questioned my entire life and this sentence is already too long so I'm just going to cut myself off here.

There are internships available in Chicago and elsewhere that involve dramaturgical type research for queer and feminist theatre companies. I want to do that.

Also, I'm really getting into Shakespeare. I still think its the hardest stuff I've ever read, and I still need so much practice, but I'm welcoming the challenge rather than sparknoting the plays and accepting sub-par acting. Which I've totally never done, ever. Also lots of people produce shakespeare. Sometimes with all ladies. Shakespeare + gender bending = Yes.

Also, I'm taking this class about women in literature. While I have lots to say about how the class is taught, I'm so into the styles of novels we're reading Its this first person, episodic, semi autobiographical fiction. I could write that stuff. So I'm going to write that stuff.

Also, today I went to a dialogue about queer folks in religion. Again, totally my jam. I would love to work with some organizations that help the LGBT community. Any marginalized community actually, but currently I'm most involved with this one.

So this is nice. For a while there I was afraid I had lost interest in literally all things. But there are three "also's" up there, so I guess I'm not doing so bad.

I just need to breathe. I tend to schedule myself within an inch of needing to warp time. While down time generally makes me anxious, I think its a good thing right now. I want to try a lot of new things. And that takes some time. So I'm taking advantage of my good mood to update my blog and assure you that I haven't fallen off the face of the planet.

I hope this wasn't the stereotypical "recent grad freak out" blog. I tried to avoid cliches. But I'm also living some cliches right now, so its tough to avoid. If ya didn't like it, I mean, I like to think I keep this thing pretty varied. And I have some good ideas for future posts that are a little less self centered. So that's fun!

Enjoy this balmy 20 degree weather we're having and I'll probably be writing again soon,

Kait

WOOF. Summer's over. Sub: Jew stuff.

I have so many things I want to write about but haven't had time until this moment. And now that I have time, none of the well organized, thoughtful entries want to be written. And I've already started personifying my writing, so it can really only go downhill from here.

But ok. I can do this. I'm gonna write a catch up blog that might end up being three half ass versions of the full length entries I've been planning in my head. Or inspiration will strike (preferably in the form of lighting) and I will end up writing a fucking novel tonight. Then maybe I'll break that into separate blogs. Jesus.

Jesus is actually the perfect segue.

So I worked as an office intern this summer at a small Orthodox Jewish school juuuuust west of my neighborhood in Chicago. Best summer job ever.

I was skeptical of this at first. I wore the wrong clothes to the interview and had to buy a long skirt. I don't wear skirts often much less long ones. Especially while doing manual labor. It was a treat let me tell you. Also, I only bought one skirt and wore it every single day. No one commented until the end of the summer when I pointed it out to them. I appreciate them for holding off till then.

More significantly, I was worried because I know NOTHING about Orthodox Judaism. So I turned to my autonomic schemas  and determined that as a gay, Catholish intern, it would probably be best of keep a low profile. Rest assured, I did not go into this expecting homophobia and religious intolerance, but the irony of my situation was too good to not raise a few red flags.

In retrospect, I am ashamed that I went in with that mindset. Obviously I had zero problems. Plus it gave me a chance to meet so many new friends! I never realized how close knit the Jewish community is. Growing up Catholish and attending a Jesuit university, I have always been surrounded by people who shared my religious views. But I have never seen a group of people meld their religious and personal lives so seamlessly. I'm trying so hard not to sound like a cultural bigot but I learned so much this summer! Growing up in a suburb of Cleveland, the only cultural group that I can think of is Ukrainian. And I never went to a Ukrainian event. So this is new to me. I asked an obnoxious amount of questions about Jewish things. I hope I didn't make anyone uncomfortable, because I so appreciate everyone bearing with me and filling me in.

Given that this was a work environment, my sexuality never came up. But I did keep a rainbow pin that read "Girl on Girl Radio" on my bag. The button is actually an advertisement for a feminist radio show wishing everyone a happy pride, but I could see where it could get easily misconstrued for something not so school appropriate. No one commented. And I wore enough "political" t-shirts that I'm sure someone figured it out. But the people I worked with talked openly about their gay friends, relatives, coworkers, etc. Safe zone.

Lesson learned: I'm going to work really hard in the future to not pass judgement about groups of people before actually getting to know them. Also, it was just great to socialize with some people outside of the Loyola bubble. A lot of my coworkers had families and were out of school. Thank goodness life keeps happening after college.

Also, I can do just about any task in a calf length skirt now. That's one for the resume.

Kaitlyn

Musical Theatre Gents I'd go Straight For.

Allo.

You know that day after you've been sick for a few days where you feel invincible? That was yesterday for me. This past weekend has been spent in a fevery daze complete with headaches, blazing tonsils, and acid reflux to rival a night of tequila. The latter was brought on by an incredibly stupid decision on my part to take about 30 times the normal dose of vitamin C on an empty stomach. In case you were wondering, it turns your innards to flames. Actual flames. Like self-induced vomiting on the lake shore trail in clear view of Navy Pier, flames. It was a rough night.

But now I feel awesome.

That has nothing to do with my actual blog. I just needed an intro. So I dumped some unwarranted personal medical information on you. Anytime.

So today at work, I was whistling "Why Should I Wake Up" from Cabaret (a welcome change from "Tomorrow Belongs to Me," which is a touch problematic when you work at a Jewish school). Anyway, it reminded me of a conversation I had with my dear roommate Sam about our favorite musical theatre songs. We watched her favorite, "Younger Than Springtime," sung by a shirtless Matthew Morrison.

So. Hot.

Now, to clarify, I'm supa gay. But there's something about musical theatre gents singing love songs that makes me completely heterosexual for approximately three and a half minutes. Perhaps its that I'm usually 99% sure that the guy on stage is gay, so there's no actual threat of me having to see a guy with his pants off. We could totally just sing at each other, drink some wine, and then dance off into the curtain call and our respective partners.

Anyway, these guys deserve some recognition. Or at least the songs. No offence gentlemen, but you're interchangeable at this point. As long as you've got a deep voice and a strong vibrato, we're good to go. So come at me benevolent sexism, woo me with your hegemonic masculinity.

1. "Some Enchanted Evening" from Rodgers and Hammerstein's South Pacific. Performed by: Brian Stokes Mitchel.

Holy bass Batman. I think my stomach just fell onto the floor. In a good way.

2. "Love to Me" from Adam Guettel's Light in the Piazza. Performed by: Matthew Morrison. 

If you're not swooning right now, I don't know what to tell you. But seriously Matt, I appreciate you. For kicks (and for Sam) I'm gonna throw this gem up there as well.

Look at his pecks. Just. Ugh. Sam and I have probably given this video half it's views. You're welcome youtuber.

3. Why Should I Wake Up? from Kander and Ebb's, "Cabaret." Performed by: Nic Rouleau

Ok, so I couldn't find the OCR but you get the idea right? Yeah. I wouldn't want to wake up either. Not ever.

4. "On The Street Where You Live" from Lerner and Lowe's My Fair Lady. Performed by: Bill Shirley 

So damn classy. If I can't get a dude to stand outside my window, I'm taking matters into my own hands. Don't think I won't abuse my job at the costume shop to obtain this ensemble. I've done worse things in public. Singing in the middle of the night is pretty run of the mill for me.


And there you have it. The magical spell that gay men singing show tunes cast over me, now shared via youtube videos. But no joke, when I was first coming out this phenomenon was rather confusing. Then I saw Catherine Zeta Jones in Chicago. Conflicts: resolved.

By the way, I've had several conversations with several of my gay friends who cite Jones' performance in Chicago as one of their earliest crushes. There's something to that. just sayin'.

Have a good night =]

Kait

Pride! The Parade, The Cookout, The Finale

Hello!

Before we get into the nitty gritty of Pride, I'm gonna make a quick note up here. I'm talking a whole lot about the LGBTQIA community in this blog. And LGBTQIA is a whole lotta alphabet soup to write over and over. So I'm going to define it once for you and then refer to it using the umbrella term, “gay.” Bisexuals, Pansexuals, *Trans folks I see you! And I'm talking to you! But for the sake of word economics, I'm gonna call ya gay.

L-Lesbian

G-Gay

B-Bisexual/Pansexual (why is there no P in this thing yet? Come on now)

T- Transgender

Q-Queer

I-Intersex

A-Asexual/Alli

Welcome to: Pride, Post Mortem Subtitle: The Last of the Pride Month Blogs

This weekend I attended my first Chicago Pride Parade, and let me tell you, it did not disappoint. I started the day off at 10 am with jello shots. Because cereal, toothpaste, and vodka is the breakfast of (day drinking) champions. Then, slowly but surely, the gay powerhouse of friends began to assemble in our living room to head down to the parade together. I always feel squeamish about putting people's names on my blog without asking permission, So I'm going to give everyone super-hero alter ego names and actual descriptions just so you get a sense of the lovely people I was surrounded by all day. By super-hero I most nearly mean, mythical creature names.

1. Wonder Woman: My lovely roommate whose knowledge of lesbian pop culture rivals the writers for afterellen. Not to mention her puns and endless “wit” (*sarcasm). Also, she can drink us all under the table. And she did.

2. Batman and Robin: My dear friend from home and her girlfriend stayed with us this weekend! I loved having them over and kind of maybe think they need to move to Chicago so we could hang out all the time. Hint. Hint.

3. Captain America: He's political, he's Catholic, he's a super gay activist, and he's in love with Austria. The whole. Damn. Country. Also, he looked sexy in his tank top. Very sexy.

4. Cat Woman: Because I only know so many super-hero's. So it's gonna get dicey. But she's awesome! Seriously delightfully happy human to spend the parade with. And she's from P-town! Represent!

5. Harry Potter and Company: Half the Loyola Quidditch team, wrangled skillfully by Wonder Woman, joined us. Super fun group of friends, allies, gays, and the like.

6. Tinkerbell: She's super tiny and super cute and super crafty with her DIY Pride t-shirt. And I dragged her to an overwhelming number of events. Really delighted that I got to spend Pride with her.

7. The Flash: Girl's a champ. Found us at Pride after a crazy night out on the town. Then went on a run the next day. One of my favorite people ever.

So there's the crew. The parade was so much fun. It lasted nearly 4 hours and I enjoyed every minute of it. Pride gets some backlash within the gay community for being commercialized, not properly representing the gay community and giving people who are not good allies a platform to play activist for an afternoon. That's all true. But, like any event with millions of diverse people, Pride is what you make it. I surrounded myself with people that are out and active on a day to day basis to increase visibility and combat homophobia. Not to mention, they are so fun and cool that they deserve super-hero names. Doesn't get much better than that.

But Pride is significant as an event in and of itself. Sure, it's not a grassroots movement, but it is so empowering to be around that many people celebrating the gay community. Also, not to downplay the significance of our allies, but it's super cool to have that many gay people at one event. Every other day of the year we are the minority in most workplaces, classrooms, social settings, what have you. To be at an event with thousands of people who share a piece of your story really makes you feel accepted.

It's something I didn't fully realize until I came out more, but it takes a tough skin to live openly. Sometimes I have days when I'm feeling super insecure and I feel like everyone knows this super private, potentially dangerous, sometimes controversial fact about me. I live in Chicago, one of the gay-friendliest cities on the map, so I don't actually have much to worry about, but if I can feel insecure in a huge metropolitan hub, I can't imagine how the gay people in more conservative or rural areas must feel. Events like Pride create miles of safe space where gay people can express their gender regardless of their sex, be openly affectionate with someone of the same sex, and not have to worry about getting sideways glances. Even if your town doesn't have a big gay scene, I hope that you can celebrate with us in spirit and that you feel a little more accepted.

Regardless of your opinions towards same sex relationships and non-normative gender identities, we exist. And we are not going away. We need events like Pride and designated gay places like bars and community centers to create a safe space for us to be comfortable live openly.

*And that concludes our “feelings parade” section of this blog.

Speaking of acceptance, pride is the perfect place to just unleash all of your gay on the world with no shame. I mean, people show up to this thing in tutus, underpants, fishnets, rainbows everywhere, you name it. I took this as an opportunity to fulfill every gay stereotype on the planet. By the end of the night my outfit was down to rainbow earrings, a rainbow ring, Converse, flannel, beads, and a rainbow tie. I had actual clothes on as well, don't think I went naked...it was too cold this year... Anyway. It got to the point where Captain America reined me in before leaving for my friend's Pride BBQ. Lost the tie. But still looked flaming, fear not.

Literally, everyone can get something out of pride. Get ready for some stereotypes up in here.

Straight ladies: My “men with rock hard abs dancing around in their underwear” quota was filled for the next ten years in one day. And none of them will hit on you. Also, glitter and rainbows.

Straight men: Beer and Lesbians.

Lesbians: Beer and Lesbians.

Gay Men: Brittany Spears. Every other song. The other songs were Beyonce.

I hope I've offended everyone. I personally don't care for beer and I really enjoyed the glitter and rainbows. And Beyonce. You do you.

Well I think that about wraps it up for me. Pride was followed by one of the most fun cookouts I've been to in a while. I would write about it but this post it already hella long, so I'm gonna hold off. But gentlemen, you know who you are, if you're reading this, well done. Best cooking I've had in a loooong time.

SHIT I forgot to talk about Girl on Girl Feminist Radio! Balls. Ok. Next time. This was way too good to go unwritten about. They have a segment called Clam Jams. I mean, come on now. Literally the greatest thing ever.

Hope ya'll had a wonderful pride weekend. And a relatively painless hungover Monday.

Kait  

The Evolution of my Undying Love for Tegan and Sara

HEY!

Guys. There are TWO BLOGS today. I'm freakin out. Two of them. This is mostly due to the fact that my project at work this week has been to alphabetize and organize files. So I've had a whole lot of time to think up interesting things to write about!

Here's something we haven't done lately

Quote Of The Day! (obviously from the depths of my filing) "D...da..still aaaa...more a's..Da OH De...good de de de de de de de DI! diiiii. i. iiiiiii. dib. dic...dick...DICK lolololololololol I'm a fourteen year old boy...dick"

I may or may not have lost my mind.

Anyway, filing was super great. No joke, I love organizing stuff and it wasn't bad to work alone for a few days. Another perk of filing is that I got to listen to music all day long! You can probably guess by the title where this is going.

The Evolution of my Undying Love for Tegan and Sara.

Part I: Humble Beginnings. 
Early sophomore year of college, I was just starting to face up to the fact that maybe I was sort of kind of into girls. My roommate introduced me to afterellen.com, a wonderful pop culture site for gay ladies. As a was perusing the various articles and conversation threads I kept coming across the band Tegan and Sara. So I googled them and found this:

Inner monologue: "Well...I'm definitely gay." 

Part 2: Youtube Stalking 

Lesbihonest. You can't look at that picture and then not look them up on youtube. What I found did not disappoint. When they started giving concerts, they didn't have enough material to fill a set. So they incorporated adorable witty banter. And it stuck. Let me tell you, it's a treat. They are so smart, and witty, and funny. Sara does book reviews. I mean come on. What began as an innocent google pretty quickly grew to the initial flames of fan-girl-dom. 

Part 3: Music.

I'm not going to lie to you. This is kindof hard for me to write. But when I first listened to their music, I was like, "what is this? Their voices sound like dying puppies." But God, I just really love them. This put me in a real moral pickle of trying to rationalize how to be a Tegan and Sara fan without actually liking their music. But fear not. I resolved it. 

Part 4: Acoustic 19. 

I grappled for weeks with the fact that I was pseudo objectifying these artists by crushing so hard on them but dismissing their music. As an artist myself I felt particularly guilty. Then it happened. One of my friends posted the following link to facebook:

 

I was neck deep into my Mumford phase at the time and this just struck a chord (pun) with me. I love this song and I totally connected to it and I may or may not have had like a super happy cry in my bed whilst listening to it. 

Anyway. 

This lead to my googling acoustic versions of all their songs. I fell in love with the lyrics and artistry of everything I listened to. With time, their regular, un-acoustic sound became more appealing. 

The obsession was justified. And this is where things get good. 

Part 5: Things Get Good.

As previously mentioned, my dear friend Sara has all of Tegan and Sara's music. And she is the greatest person ever because she shared it with me. The library helped out here too. There was a tiny moment of bad feelings for not actually paying for their music, but I am college poor. When I have money, I will actually see them in concert, purchase their albums, and support their art. 

Part 6: Running. 

So this summer I was jobless for like a month. Which if you read my previous blogs, mostly consisted of me running and biking. Guess what became my new running song? The Con. The whole album. In love. I could relate to all of their songs and never got tired of listening to them. I listened to it today. While filing. Rocked out pretty hard.

Part 7: The Con.

So take a tiny hop backwards chronologically. When I got The Con album from the library it came with an extra disk. A disk containing "The Con, The Documentary." Hold. The. Phone. This has combined so many of my favorite things into one shiny dvd. 

Documentary, Check

Music, Check

Witty Banter, Check

Trivia, Check

Their adorableness for 2 hours. Check

Need I say more?

Part 8: The Soon to be Viewed Documentary "Get Along."

That's right. They made another documentary. And I will find it. And I will watch it. Probably ten to fifteen times. Maybe within the same 24 hours. Whose to say. 

The Moment I Chose to Be Gay

Hi All.

So this whole gay rights thing. What? DOMA and prop8? I mean, all those homos choose to be gay just to get attention right?

Oops! You got us!

Here's all the reasons I chose to be gay:

1) I wasn't having much luck finding a dude to date. I mean they only make up 50% of the population. So instead I thought to myself, lets go for the 1% of women who identify as lesbians. Challenge accepted.

2) As a socially anxious, introverted person, the lesbian dating pool is perfect for me. Culturally, in heterosexual pairings the men do all the initiating. Not here! I have to learn how to make moves! How great! I'm super good at it to... it's not even the most uncomfortable thing I've ever put myself and another human through. Definitely not.

3) Having kids the natural way is too simple. And inexpensive. I would much rather throw down thousands of dollars to have sperm shot up my lady bits than just take a romp in the sack.

4) Did I mention paperwork? Adoption social services? Love that shit.

5) Did you know that 90% of what girls talk about is boys? (85% of what boys talk about is girls in case anyone was wondering) Well I love having little to nothing to contribute to 90% of conversations. It's nice just to sit alone with my thoughts.

6) Did you realize how many religions absolutely hate the homosexuals? It's nuts! Well trust me, it pleases me so much to anger and terrify billions of otherwise friendly, peace loving church goers. I feel so special when they scream slurs at me through their megaphones. Truly touching.

7) If you know me at all, you know how much I love to tell everyone my private business. I also love being the center of attention and dropping potentially huge news bombs on people. You know the perfect way to grab the attention of a room? Tell um your gay. It's so great.

8) It's really exhilarating knowing that I held jobs in states where I could actually be fired for being gay. Feels like a high stakes spy movie.

9) I'm really non-conformist. So I chopped off all my hair and started wearing more flannel. Now I fit the stereotypes of every other gay lady on the planet. Mission accomplished.

10) Hundreds of gay teens get kicked out of their parents houses when they come out. They are rejected by their families, friends, sometimes whole communities. Can you think of a better way to just start over! Literally being homeless for a few months. That sounds great. Unfortunately, my parents and most of my friends were totally supportive. What a drag.


Well, there you have it. Convinced? If you want to give it a try, just fake it till ya make it. Never mind that you're not in love and don't have feelings for the people you're with and are basically going into their private squares with no motivation. That's not unfair to them at all. And think of all the attention you'll garner. Definitely worth it.

Kait


*DISCLAIMER*
I hate disclaimers because they stomp all over the sarcasm that is absolutely oozing from this post. But I want to be very very clear. You know how you didn't choose to be straight? No one chooses to be gay. Also, I realize that this might present a grim view of the gay community. Or maybe it looks like I am having a hell of a time dealing with it. It's a joke guys. I'm actually super happy in LGBTQA culture. And while I still feel like a fish out of water when it comes to dating, I have had nothing but good experiences, understanding women, and super fun dates. Winning.

Intro to Homosexuality

Alright then.

So every time I log onto my computer, I have these little pings of guilt for not writing any pride blogs. I see that I am one day closer to the end of pride month and my blog has yet to reflect the insane amount of gay stuff I have done in the past few weeks.

To name a few:
1) I have nearly all of Tegan and Sara's albums and have listened to them top to bottom. It's been my running soundtrack. Thus my runs have been extra angsty this month. Thank you Sara Augustinas for facilitating this.
2) Went to Pride Fest. Saw some great drag. Enjoyed myself immensely.
3) Priced out rainbow suspenders.
4) Watched the first 3 episodes of "The Fosters" and then read the recaps on afterellen.
5) Realized that I have rehearsal during the parade. Wept. Quickly formulated a plan to haul ass from Willmette to Boystown decked out in said suspenders in under an hour to catch the tail end of the parade. Or at least the after party.

So writing this blog kinda feels like I'm beating a dead horse. Not to mention, there are so many LGBTQIA (it's a mouthful, I know, but I'm gonna keep using it.) resources out there that basically share my perspective. Really I'm trying to debate how best to blog about this without repeating what you can read by simply googling "LGBTQIA."

So I'm going to take the personal angle on this first one. I say first because I want to write more about LGBTQIA specific issues, but I feel like I should get everyone on the same page first. I think the best way to do this is to tell some silly coming out stories. With a more serious wrap up. So if nothing more, skip the funny stuff and read my last paragraph. Cool? Cool.

Leggo.

Kaitlyn Stumbles Out of the Closet and Tells You all the Faux Pas that Followed. 

1. Come on Already. This is definitely my preferred method of alerting people that I'm into girls. The key to this one was to drop as many hints as you possible can without actually coming out and saying you're gay. For example, I made it a habit of selecting the gayest looking outfits, hairstyles, conversation topics, etc to bring to every family function. I have like a 6 for 7 stereotype ratio that must be filled. If a Christmas spent in combat boots, flannel, spiked hair, impractically short nails doesn't scream "RAINBOW" I don't know what does.

2. Kay Byeeeeeeeee. Another wimpy way to come out of the closet. Did this one with my parents. I was in town for a weekend. Told um Sunday night 4 hours before my bus left. They, of course, were totally fine with it. Nothing says, "I'm comfortable with my sexuality" like throwing it at someone and running five hours away :)

3. Party Foul. This is my second favorite story. I was at a party with some coworkers last summer, most of whom I was not out to. One particularly attractive gentleman was pretty drunk and started hitting on me. I had just closed a run of CATS and was in no mood to flirt so when asked if he could kiss me instead of saying, "Nope" or "don't feel like it" or "too tired" I went for "I'm gay." Shouted it nice and loud above the music. As luck would have it, mili-seconds before the words left my mouth the song ended and it got nice and quiet. Really this should not have been as embarrassing as it was for me, but the coincidence was just too much.

4. The Greatest Moment of My Life. This is my actual favorite story. Came out to one of my closest college friends literally seconds after she came out to me. I think time actually slowed down. We spent the next two hours discussing crushes, coming out stories, and how thrilled we were that we had someone else going through the same stuff.

5. YOU'RE WHAT? I hate this so much. And I'm sure I've done this to other people. And I apologize. But when someone comes out to you and you look at them like they've suddenly sprouted another head, it's really awkward.

6. 20 Questions. I get that gay stuff is sometimes unfamiliar to people. I was completely uninformed until I started doing some research a few years ago. So it's normal to have questions. It's not normal to ask personal questions. Questions are great when appropriate. I love answering questions about gender, orientation, community, sex stuff, whatever. But for the love of God don't ask me about my personal sexual experiences if you just met me. I mean, come on now. When is that ever appropriate. Literally never.


Ok here's The Takeaway. In my experience, the best people to come out to (also the best allies) are people who have gay friends. Close. Gay. Friends. (did you pick up the emphasis there?) Both men and women. It's 2013, you will not be publicly stoned for being a straight person in a gay establishment. You don't know everything about the gay community if you ate lunch last week with that lesbian in your office or you went shopping with your gay best friend (I'm sorry, I almost gagged on the stereotype but I'm trying to prove a point). If we're going to stop gay bullying, transphobia, marriage inequality, etc, everyone needs to get more informed. I know it's asking a lot, but acceptance and tolerance are not enough. Not enough to make actual change anyway. I think friendship is the way in here. Make some gay friends. *Note, not token gay friends, actual friends.

Pride is this weekend guys. Wink wink nudge nudge.

With that, Happy Pride! Wish me luck in my biking like 15 miles at  top speed to catch the parade! I hope you all celebrate too.

Kait

Not a Gay Blog.

It's June. 

June is pride month. 

For my confused (pun) readers, "pride" as in "gay pride". month. 

Soooo I have to write a gay blog. 

I mean I don't have to, but I'm going to. 

But THIS is not that blog. 

THIS (I'm diggin the caps) is a reminder to myself to actually write a gay blog. 

I have lots of ideas. 

From the personal to the political. 

Or I could go all Carol Hanisch (No parenthetical explanation here, google her) on you. 

Chicago Pride Festival is the 22-23. Expect something around then. 

Or maybe I'll just do a whole series of queer blogs leading up to it. 

It's gonna be good. 

And far less fragmented than this post. 

The End. 

Kaitlyn