I Graduate In 3 Months.

*Vomits everywhere*

Hey there geckos. (I think I'm just going to start using animals as gender neutral crowd addresses. Like "hey cats" or "what up dog." It'll eventually appear normal.)

So it's been a while. I've been getting back to school, settling in to my last semester of college, and trying to figure out what I'm going to do when I'm out in May. If I'm being perfectly honest (which I am because this is the internet and everything is unquestionably true) today is the first day since December that I didn't have a quarter life crisis over graduating college.

I know that every newly minted "adult" goes through this, whether its graduating high school or college or whatever form of education you manage to keep yourself in past your mid teen years. Last semester I was checked out and ready to go, but now that I'm actually getting close, I've lost all drive to do adult things and have regressed to this directionless little life form that after 3 minutes of googling job apps ends up on facebook (seemingly by default) out of fear of not having my ducks in a row.

That's over dramatic, I know. But you have to understand, I was the kid who panicked when my mom moved the green recliner (that I never sat in) to a different corner of the room. Literally "world crashing down around me" type reaction to the unexpected rearrangement of furniture. This is probably comparable to moving thousands of chairs (all different colors) all over my small three bedroom apartment.

Also I'm going into theatre. So my job is basically to emote.

BUT TODAY was a five star day and I started to figure my shit out. And I think that's worth sharing.

So I'm taking a too good for words class about feminist (read: oppressed/minorities) critique of theatre. It is glorious. Consistently the best 2 hours of my Tuesday/Thursdays. Never did I think my passion for feminist discourse and theatre would collide, but they have and I am loving every minute of it. I could seriously go for days about this class, I'm realizing more about who I am as a person and what I can contribute to theatre, and learning about all these kick ass humans making kick ass theatre that is so powerful and new and breaks down all the barriers that I have questioned my entire life and this sentence is already too long so I'm just going to cut myself off here.

There are internships available in Chicago and elsewhere that involve dramaturgical type research for queer and feminist theatre companies. I want to do that.

Also, I'm really getting into Shakespeare. I still think its the hardest stuff I've ever read, and I still need so much practice, but I'm welcoming the challenge rather than sparknoting the plays and accepting sub-par acting. Which I've totally never done, ever. Also lots of people produce shakespeare. Sometimes with all ladies. Shakespeare + gender bending = Yes.

Also, I'm taking this class about women in literature. While I have lots to say about how the class is taught, I'm so into the styles of novels we're reading Its this first person, episodic, semi autobiographical fiction. I could write that stuff. So I'm going to write that stuff.

Also, today I went to a dialogue about queer folks in religion. Again, totally my jam. I would love to work with some organizations that help the LGBT community. Any marginalized community actually, but currently I'm most involved with this one.

So this is nice. For a while there I was afraid I had lost interest in literally all things. But there are three "also's" up there, so I guess I'm not doing so bad.

I just need to breathe. I tend to schedule myself within an inch of needing to warp time. While down time generally makes me anxious, I think its a good thing right now. I want to try a lot of new things. And that takes some time. So I'm taking advantage of my good mood to update my blog and assure you that I haven't fallen off the face of the planet.

I hope this wasn't the stereotypical "recent grad freak out" blog. I tried to avoid cliches. But I'm also living some cliches right now, so its tough to avoid. If ya didn't like it, I mean, I like to think I keep this thing pretty varied. And I have some good ideas for future posts that are a little less self centered. So that's fun!

Enjoy this balmy 20 degree weather we're having and I'll probably be writing again soon,

Kait