Things I Learned From My Dad

Dearest Dads (and everyone else, but especially dads),

Happy Father's Day! I hope you all got at least an hour off and enjoyed it. I am going to take a minute or two to brag about my dad publicly because we are not terribly sentimental, but I am forever grateful for the role he played in my upbringing. So here is a non-exhaustive list of:

Things I Learned From My Dad. 

1. How to win a bar fight.
This followed a lesson called, "how to tell if you're about to get into a bar fight."

2. Do not accept the opinions of anyone, even people you admire, without first doing exhaustive research so you can form your own opinion. Then take this nuanced opinion to your close friends and family and play devil's advocate until someone asks you to leave Christmas.

3. How to MacGyver anything. My fondest memory of this is when my dad and uncle nearly burned down our house while fixing the hot water tank with a homemade blow torch. The only casualty was my First Communion slip. I'm not upset about it.

4. How to build (and thus repair) a bike. I can't even express how important this is to me.

5. If you wear it this season, it will be in next season. Or maybe next lifetime. But salmon running shorts and Hawaiian shirts will be in eventually.

6. How to cook an egg. This was my first culinary endeavor and it was a big deal.

7. Life is not fair. And sometimes it is terrible. And sometimes it is awesome. And all of that is ok and normal and you will be fine.

And last but certainly not least:

8. The secret to success. This was for Nan's DTSP class freshman year of college. When I emailed my dad the question, this is the answer I got:

"Success is when you achieve your goal. Choosing the goal is the first step. Choosing a goal. Let's take a simple example. Making breakfast. First clear your mind. Next wait for inspiration. In a moment or 2 you will begin to visualize yourself sitting at the breakfast table, or on your way to class. Next the smells and tastes of breakfast will rise up. It may be a bowl of cereal, or an egg mc muffin sandwich. As the world around you takes over your mind contradictions and urgency will present various scenarios. One of them will gain strength and the course will become apparent. As you act on it you will stand up, then move irresistibly to your goal. There may be surprising twists in this journey. The milk you visualized has vanished, a friend offers you a delicious bagel. Don't worry, breakfast will come and success will very likely visit you. Expand this concept to the broad sweep of your life. Sit quietly. Empty your mind of all thoughts. Slowly allow yourself to contemplate the arc of your existence. Allow the perfect world to present itself to you in the context of that moment. Now project what you perceive as your self into this world. From emptiness to fullness you will glimpse your place. Executing the many steps to success. Begin with emptiness. Proceed to action gradually. Check your progress by returning to nothingness at regular intervals. In short, start with mindlessness. Trust in that which is revealed. Progress to mindfulness. Repeat until you no longer live in this realm. That is the secret to success."

If I missed any lessons, I'm confident that they are in the above paragraph and I just haven't thought hard enough about it to see it.


So there you have it. Happy Father's Day dad, I hope you are not too embarrassed by this mess of a thing I call my blog. If you are, no worries, my reader base is like, half my facebook friends. And one guy in Germany. I can't explain that.

Have a good week folks, Love you dad,

Kaitlyn

Why Cleveland Doesn't Suck THAT Bad.

Aloha!

Wouldn't that be a cool greeting if I was blogging from Hawaii? I'm not.

Being from Cleveland is pretty solid ammunition to win almost any "my hometown sucks worse than your hometown" discussion. Our river was so polluted it caught on fire, we have a higher crime rate than New York, and our sports teams...well... anyway. And being from Parma, might be worse. Clevelander's know what I'm getting at here. If you're unfamiliar, might I suggest: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3oTCatzz7A. (Parts of this are filmed mere blocks from my house.)

And I am proud of that shit. All of it. Cleveland's burning rivers, Parma with our lack of contraceptives,

Here's why:

1. Pierogies. It wasn't until recently that I discovered not everyone eats these. My only question: Why God why? Parma is kindof the Mecca of Pierogies. And you haven't lived until you've eaten a Prune one. Don't knock it till you try it...then find a bathroom. quick.

2. This: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZzgAjjuqZM&NR=1&feature=endscreen Hilarity.

3. Both Cleveland and Parma have a wicked sense of self deprecating humor (see above). No one is proud of Cleveland. No one brags about their crazy weekend getting robbed at the Rock Hall to out of town relatives. And through that humble shame, we crank out hysterical youtube videos. I like a city that can laugh at itself.

4. The Boar's Head and Yule Log Festival. I did it this year (see facebook for documentation). You dress in Medieval garb and do a mystery play. There is also a sing along of the Hallelujah Chorus. They seriously hand out the score and the whole church just kinda wings it. It. is. awesome. And SO LOUD!

5. I was riding my bike down Broadview the other day and passed a car parts store that literally sings at you as you drive on by. I don't think people notice it (because they're in their cars), but it was awesome enough to distract me into almost getting caught in the death trap canyon between the sidewalk and the grass.

6. Parma is the middle of middle class. It's the only city where the mean household income per street incrementally increases from North to South.

7. We are so middle class in fact, that we set the benchmark of middle class hood. When companies need to find out what the average Joe thinks about anything, they survey Parma. We are the most average of the average. And that makes us first in something! And that, my friends, is pretty fancy.

8. Pink flamingos and chrome balls in people's yards.

9. Our constant effort to be cultural. Parma is pretty homogeneous. So why not celebrate all that light European-ness with Polish and Ukrainian Villiage? And those signs of JP2? Weird. I don't understand.

10. Driving down State Rd: Bowling, Pizza, Bar, Church, Repeat. The only street you'll ever need.

11. My family lives here. And we are a fantastic group of humans. 'nuff said.

12. Our sports teams suck more than industrial strength vacuums, and people still go to games. Maybe it's brainwashing. Maybe Jacob's field has magical powers. I'm seriously leaning towards the latter. Either way, way to go Cleveland fans. A+ for dedication.

13. Living in Cleveland means you're living in a regional inside joke. What I'm trying to get across is that Cleveland has so many gems (Trinity Cathedral, Coventry, Lake Erie) that everyone uses, but no one brags about. I know it sounds weird, but I love how humble Cleveland is. It's cool without knowing it's cool. So it's hipster.

I'm gonna leave you with that.

Aloha, (I wish all greetings were interchangeable the way "aloha" is)

Kaitlyn