Hi All.
So this whole gay rights thing. What? DOMA and prop8? I mean, all those homos choose to be gay just to get attention right?
Oops! You got us!
Here's all the reasons I chose to be gay:
1) I wasn't having much luck finding a dude to date. I mean they only make up 50% of the population. So instead I thought to myself, lets go for the 1% of women who identify as lesbians. Challenge accepted.
2) As a socially anxious, introverted person, the lesbian dating pool is perfect for me. Culturally, in heterosexual pairings the men do all the initiating. Not here! I have to learn how to make moves! How great! I'm super good at it to... it's not even the most uncomfortable thing I've ever put myself and another human through. Definitely not.
3) Having kids the natural way is too simple. And inexpensive. I would much rather throw down thousands of dollars to have sperm shot up my lady bits than just take a romp in the sack.
4) Did I mention paperwork? Adoption social services? Love that shit.
5) Did you know that 90% of what girls talk about is boys? (85% of what boys talk about is girls in case anyone was wondering) Well I love having little to nothing to contribute to 90% of conversations. It's nice just to sit alone with my thoughts.
6) Did you realize how many religions absolutely hate the homosexuals? It's nuts! Well trust me, it pleases me so much to anger and terrify billions of otherwise friendly, peace loving church goers. I feel so special when they scream slurs at me through their megaphones. Truly touching.
7) If you know me at all, you know how much I love to tell everyone my private business. I also love being the center of attention and dropping potentially huge news bombs on people. You know the perfect way to grab the attention of a room? Tell um your gay. It's so great.
8) It's really exhilarating knowing that I held jobs in states where I could actually be fired for being gay. Feels like a high stakes spy movie.
9) I'm really non-conformist. So I chopped off all my hair and started wearing more flannel. Now I fit the stereotypes of every other gay lady on the planet. Mission accomplished.
10) Hundreds of gay teens get kicked out of their parents houses when they come out. They are rejected by their families, friends, sometimes whole communities. Can you think of a better way to just start over! Literally being homeless for a few months. That sounds great. Unfortunately, my parents and most of my friends were totally supportive. What a drag.
Well, there you have it. Convinced? If you want to give it a try, just fake it till ya make it. Never mind that you're not in love and don't have feelings for the people you're with and are basically going into their private squares with no motivation. That's not unfair to them at all. And think of all the attention you'll garner. Definitely worth it.
Kait
*DISCLAIMER*
I hate disclaimers because they stomp all over the sarcasm that is absolutely oozing from this post. But I want to be very very clear. You know how you didn't choose to be straight? No one chooses to be gay. Also, I realize that this might present a grim view of the gay community. Or maybe it looks like I am having a hell of a time dealing with it. It's a joke guys. I'm actually super happy in LGBTQA culture. And while I still feel like a fish out of water when it comes to dating, I have had nothing but good experiences, understanding women, and super fun dates. Winning.
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