Dearest Dads (and everyone else, but especially dads),
Happy Father's Day! I hope you all got at least an hour off and enjoyed it. I am going to take a minute or two to brag about my dad publicly because we are not terribly sentimental, but I am forever grateful for the role he played in my upbringing. So here is a non-exhaustive list of:
Things I Learned From My Dad.
1. How to win a bar fight.
This followed a lesson called, "how to tell if you're about to get into a bar fight."
2. Do not accept the opinions of anyone, even people you admire, without first doing exhaustive research so you can form your own opinion. Then take this nuanced opinion to your close friends and family and play devil's advocate until someone asks you to leave Christmas.
3. How to MacGyver anything. My fondest memory of this is when my dad and uncle nearly burned down our house while fixing the hot water tank with a homemade blow torch. The only casualty was my First Communion slip. I'm not upset about it.
4. How to build (and thus repair) a bike. I can't even express how important this is to me.
5. If you wear it this season, it will be in next season. Or maybe next lifetime. But salmon running shorts and Hawaiian shirts will be in eventually.
6. How to cook an egg. This was my first culinary endeavor and it was a big deal.
7. Life is not fair. And sometimes it is terrible. And sometimes it is awesome. And all of that is ok and normal and you will be fine.
And last but certainly not least:
8. The secret to success. This was for Nan's DTSP class freshman year of college. When I emailed my dad the question, this is the answer I got:
"Success is when you achieve your goal. Choosing the goal is the first step.
Choosing a goal. Let's take a simple example. Making breakfast. First clear your mind. Next wait for inspiration. In a moment or 2 you will begin to visualize yourself sitting at the breakfast table, or on your way to class. Next the smells and tastes of breakfast will rise up. It may be a bowl of cereal, or an egg mc muffin sandwich. As the world around you takes over your mind contradictions and urgency will present various scenarios. One of them will gain strength and the course will become apparent. As you act on it you will stand up, then move irresistibly to your goal. There may be surprising twists in this journey. The milk you visualized has vanished, a friend offers you a delicious bagel. Don't worry, breakfast will come and success will very likely visit you.
Expand this concept to the broad sweep of your life. Sit quietly. Empty your mind of all thoughts. Slowly allow yourself to contemplate the arc of your existence. Allow the perfect world to present itself to you in the context of that moment. Now project what you perceive as your self into this world. From emptiness to fullness you will glimpse your place.
Executing the many steps to success. Begin with emptiness. Proceed to action gradually. Check your progress by returning to nothingness at regular intervals.
In short, start with mindlessness. Trust in that which is revealed. Progress to mindfulness. Repeat until you no longer live in this realm. That is the secret to success."
If I missed any lessons, I'm confident that they are in the above paragraph and I just haven't thought hard enough about it to see it.
So there you have it. Happy Father's Day dad, I hope you are not too embarrassed by this mess of a thing I call my blog. If you are, no worries, my reader base is like, half my facebook friends. And one guy in Germany. I can't explain that.
Have a good week folks, Love you dad,
Kaitlyn
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Saturday, June 14, 2014
The Mother Trucking Navy Pier Bike Detour.
So I have the Loveliest daily commute on the planet. Starting between 4 and 5 am, I hop on my bike and cruise downtown on the Lakeshore trail with the sunrise. Literally the only thing standing in the way of cycling nirvana is the bike detour at Navy Pier. While I can usually bypass 90% of the tourist crowd, I now have to plow through it at 2pm (peak Pier hours). The result is a gradual build up of aggression and fury that could blow at any given moment. So instead of screaming at trail patrons, I come up with ways to torture them until the are moderately to severely annoyed. Here is my list:
If I get stuck behind one more family strung five abreast takin’ up the whole damn path, I will kick buckets of tiny pebble at them.
If one more person feels the need to do a sunburst jazz hand motion to my face as I pass them after shouting “left,” I will eat a bean and egg sandwich and fart upwind of them.
If one more butt-face in a bro tank sprints past me only to slow down in front of me because he can’t keep my pace for more than 100 yards, I will plague him with swarms of gnats every 20 feet until he has so many bugs up his nose and mouth that he will be snotting them out for weeks.
If one more yippee dog on an extendable leash darts across my path, I will punt that little shart into the lake.
If I see one more person playing on their phone LITERALLY WALKING INTO ME, I will take his phone, change the language to Russian and program it to only ring in Gregorian chants for the rest of it’s life.
If I see one more Divvy Biker try to pass a pedestrian by cycling up their ass than shouting “MOVE” at the last second, I will switch out their deodorant for 3 day old congealed bacon grease.
If I am behind one more Rent-A-Biker who doesn't think that she can get across the Pier Entrance Drive in 16 seconds and decides to wait it out for the next official walk signal, I will replace her Advil with laxatives.
What I’m saying is, we need a bike autobahn. Pass on the left.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
How Not to Out Someone
It's June Friends!
If you remember from last year, June is Gay Pride month and I have been in full swing celebration. Orange is the New Black came out, I went to Midsommarfest, watched the Tony Awards, and worked a discussion about lesbians in literature last night.
So I'm handing out programs and a man walks up to me. With no introduction he asks, "So are you a lesbian?" Because I was working a queer lady centered event and I'm comfortable enough with that label I gave a straightforward "yes." But for the record, there are about a hundred less weirdo ways to ask someone if they're gay.
Generally, it's not of the utmost importance that you know someone's sexuality, but we all find ourselves in situations where we want to know. Here are some way less weird ways to handle yourself in a situation when you are unsure of someone's sexuality and are just dying to find out.
1) First of all, get to know the person. Asking a total stranger about their sexual preference is super weird.
2) Caveat: if you're in a bar/club/flirting situation adopt the "everyone is gay" perspective. If the flirtee turns out to be straight, move on! People assume I'm into dudes all the time. No offence taken. Getting tastefully flirted with can be flattering, even when there's nothing to be gained.
3) Bring up some gay topics with them. Ask if they're going to pride, drop a few tv references (think Glee, Skins, Pretty Little Liars, RuPaul's Drag Race).
4) Talk about yourself first. I'm pretty out, but I am more comfortable coming out to someone if it's part of a conversation rather than a one sided questioning. That can start feeling like an interrogation. No one likes that.
5) Ask them what they think of X celebrity. This is a good option because celebrities of all genders are super attractive. So if someone doesn't want to come out to you they can say "oh I would kill for Donald Glover's abs." They can be ambiguous or they can take the opportunity to say "oh I would kill for Donald Glover's abs but I would jump down Olivia Wilde's pants." Or "I would jump down Donald Glover and Olivia Wild's pants." Limitless.
6) "You play softball?" *wink* (winking is key)
7) Gents, I need some help with stereotypes beyond "are you a theatre major?" and "did you go to an all boys Catholic school?"
Jokes aside, the point I'm trying to make is that a person's identity is their own business. There are plenty of reasons why someone might not want to come out. Asking directly is effective, but if the only escape route is lying, you've just cornered someone into an uncomfortable situation. Asking directly in public adds more pressure to an already tense situation. Don't do that. If you're going to go the direct route do it privately after you've gotten to know the person.
More importantly, consider why you need to know this person's sexuality. If it's to crack a joke or embarrass them, don't ask. Make sure you have a valid reason to ask. People will tell you if you they want you to know. Don't create an awkward situation by rushing the answer out of them.
Kaitlyn
If you remember from last year, June is Gay Pride month and I have been in full swing celebration. Orange is the New Black came out, I went to Midsommarfest, watched the Tony Awards, and worked a discussion about lesbians in literature last night.
So I'm handing out programs and a man walks up to me. With no introduction he asks, "So are you a lesbian?" Because I was working a queer lady centered event and I'm comfortable enough with that label I gave a straightforward "yes." But for the record, there are about a hundred less weirdo ways to ask someone if they're gay.
Generally, it's not of the utmost importance that you know someone's sexuality, but we all find ourselves in situations where we want to know. Here are some way less weird ways to handle yourself in a situation when you are unsure of someone's sexuality and are just dying to find out.
1) First of all, get to know the person. Asking a total stranger about their sexual preference is super weird.
2) Caveat: if you're in a bar/club/flirting situation adopt the "everyone is gay" perspective. If the flirtee turns out to be straight, move on! People assume I'm into dudes all the time. No offence taken. Getting tastefully flirted with can be flattering, even when there's nothing to be gained.
3) Bring up some gay topics with them. Ask if they're going to pride, drop a few tv references (think Glee, Skins, Pretty Little Liars, RuPaul's Drag Race).
4) Talk about yourself first. I'm pretty out, but I am more comfortable coming out to someone if it's part of a conversation rather than a one sided questioning. That can start feeling like an interrogation. No one likes that.
5) Ask them what they think of X celebrity. This is a good option because celebrities of all genders are super attractive. So if someone doesn't want to come out to you they can say "oh I would kill for Donald Glover's abs." They can be ambiguous or they can take the opportunity to say "oh I would kill for Donald Glover's abs but I would jump down Olivia Wilde's pants." Or "I would jump down Donald Glover and Olivia Wild's pants." Limitless.
6) "You play softball?" *wink* (winking is key)
7) Gents, I need some help with stereotypes beyond "are you a theatre major?" and "did you go to an all boys Catholic school?"
Jokes aside, the point I'm trying to make is that a person's identity is their own business. There are plenty of reasons why someone might not want to come out. Asking directly is effective, but if the only escape route is lying, you've just cornered someone into an uncomfortable situation. Asking directly in public adds more pressure to an already tense situation. Don't do that. If you're going to go the direct route do it privately after you've gotten to know the person.
More importantly, consider why you need to know this person's sexuality. If it's to crack a joke or embarrass them, don't ask. Make sure you have a valid reason to ask. People will tell you if you they want you to know. Don't create an awkward situation by rushing the answer out of them.
Kaitlyn
A Quick Post Grad Update For You.
Happy June!
It's been a little while. I've been a little busy graduating, moving, putting up a show, and binge watching Orange is the New Black (more on that later because SWEET JESUS). I'm nearing the end of a 5 day break between jobs and have taken full advantage of the downtime.
As for grand scheme "plans after graduation" here they are:
1) Brunch with my parents. Accomplished.
2) Move to Andersonville (neighborhood just southwest of Roger's park where I'm currently subletting for June and have gone to school for 4 years) in July. Stay in Chicago for the foreseeable future.
3) Work at Dollop Coffee Shop in the loop on kitchen or register. Not yet a barista but I've got the basics and will hopefully get trained in coffee soon.
4) Keep auditioning for stuff. Mostly straight plays. But I still enjoy doing musicals. Though I really miss dancing and would love to get involved in the Chicago scene. So I'm looking into that, but classes cost money and I need some time to work and save up. So dance is on the back burner, but I love the performance scene in Chicago and I'm so excited to get more involved.
So there you have it. I know some of my family and friends from home read this so I figured I'd fill you in. Miss everyone in Ohio, but I'm planning on coming home in mid August and then hopefully for some holidays.
Peace out home skillets,
Kaitlyn
It's been a little while. I've been a little busy graduating, moving, putting up a show, and binge watching Orange is the New Black (more on that later because SWEET JESUS). I'm nearing the end of a 5 day break between jobs and have taken full advantage of the downtime.
As for grand scheme "plans after graduation" here they are:
1) Brunch with my parents. Accomplished.
2) Move to Andersonville (neighborhood just southwest of Roger's park where I'm currently subletting for June and have gone to school for 4 years) in July. Stay in Chicago for the foreseeable future.
3) Work at Dollop Coffee Shop in the loop on kitchen or register. Not yet a barista but I've got the basics and will hopefully get trained in coffee soon.
4) Keep auditioning for stuff. Mostly straight plays. But I still enjoy doing musicals. Though I really miss dancing and would love to get involved in the Chicago scene. So I'm looking into that, but classes cost money and I need some time to work and save up. So dance is on the back burner, but I love the performance scene in Chicago and I'm so excited to get more involved.
So there you have it. I know some of my family and friends from home read this so I figured I'd fill you in. Miss everyone in Ohio, but I'm planning on coming home in mid August and then hopefully for some holidays.
Peace out home skillets,
Kaitlyn
Monday, May 26, 2014
The UC Shootings and Social Media
I'm assuming if you're reading this, you've already heard about the UC Santa Barbara shooting this weekend. If you haven't, here's one link to the story: http://abcnews.go.com/US/killed-mass-murder-shooting-uc-santa-barbara/story?id=23853918
I heard about it two nights ago as I was scrolling through tumblr (as one does instead of sleeping). My dashboard was full of posts about how this is solely a feminist issue and how women everywhere are now terrified of getting shot because men can't handle rejection. I take issue with this.
What I don't like about social media is that people tend to present the most radical position. Then HUGE angry arguments break out over who is right and people stop listening to each other. Tumblr was divided into 3 Camps. Camp A: Feminist only. They claimed that Rodger killed those women because society trains men to believe that they are entitled to women sexually as if they are prizes for having a penis. Camp B: Psychologists only. According to them, mental illness is to blame specifically Aspergers, likely combined with a conduct disorder. Camp C (a statistically null camp) was (mostly) men who only appeared in youtube comments to express their solidarity with Rodgers. They sympathize with the pain of rejection and threaten women to not reject men. For obvious reasons, I will not be defending Camp C though they do play an important role in the discussion.
There is no way the shootings were ONLY because Rodger was a misogynist or ONLY because he may have been mentally ill. I read this transcript of Rodger's suicide video: http://www.cnn.com/2014/05/24/us/elliot-rodger-video-transcript/. Give it a look, his views of women have certainly been molded by our patriarchal society that teaches men to use women. If you're not going to read the whole thing, here's a sample: "You girls have never been attracted to me. I don't know why you girls aren't attracted to me, but I will punish you all for it. It's an injustice, a crime, because... I don't know what you don't see in me. " Obviously not the words of the respectful "gentleman" he claims to be 3 lines later. Because tumblr and google exist, I'm not going to take more time to explain why this is definitely a feminist issue that deserves attention as such.
However it is undeniably also an issue of disability and mental illness. Every man gets rejected by someone at some point in his life. Not every man shoots up a school. When someone is "mentally healthy" they do not chose to murder 7 people and then take their own life. That is not a statistically typical reaction to rejection (though it does happen frequently enough that we need to take it seriously). I'm not a psychologist and I did not know Rodger on a personal clinical level, but after reading his suicide transcript, I would venture to guess that he was not emotionally well. And not in a typical, "everyday disappointment" kind of way, but in an antisocial personality disorder kind of way. Thankfully, we are finally starting to give mental illnesses like depression and anxiety validation and understanding. Antisocial personality disorder and other conduct disorders deserve this same visibility. This is a really ugly side of psychological problems. I think we ignore them because they're less common and so uncomfortable to think about. By acknowledging that this Rodger probably suffered from a conduct disorder we are NOT justifying his actions or ignoring the other social factors (such as feminism) at play. Rather, we are looking at the whole picture instead of oversimplifying a complex situation.
Though less of a diagnostic factor, social media has overwhelmingly ignored Rodger's asperger's syndrome diagnosis. A year ago Rodger's parents reported that he was being harassed in school and was pushed off a balcony, potentially by his peers in an act of bullying. His suicide video is all about how the kids he goes to school with are cruel to him. Asperger's is more of a secondary factor, but could this not have been prevented if people understood more about autism and other diagnosis that severely effect social functioning? I am not saying that Rodger's classmates are at fault or that their deaths are justified. But if we can place blame on the social ill that is the patriarchy, can we not also place some blame our society's ignorance of people with autism spectrum disorders?
Also, gun control. No one is talking about gun control. I'm not going to because I want to focus on the social issues and frankly I haven't researched it enough to form an educated opinion. But again, we are ignoring so many factors in this case.
It upsets me that people are so eager to pick a side and ignore the big picture. Seven people were killed, many more were injured, and one committed suicide. This is far more complex than a battle between whether this is a feminist or ablest issue. To simplify it to a battle between politics means we are not respecting the situation seriously enough to look at the grey areas that no one is comfortable discussing.
This IS a feminist issue, this IS an issue of mental health awareness, and this IS an issue of gun control. Among countless other factors that I'm not going to go into detail about.
With that said, I would love to hear your thoughts if you disagree with my point of view on this whole thing. But please, lets make it a discussion rather than an accusation.
Kait
I heard about it two nights ago as I was scrolling through tumblr (as one does instead of sleeping). My dashboard was full of posts about how this is solely a feminist issue and how women everywhere are now terrified of getting shot because men can't handle rejection. I take issue with this.
What I don't like about social media is that people tend to present the most radical position. Then HUGE angry arguments break out over who is right and people stop listening to each other. Tumblr was divided into 3 Camps. Camp A: Feminist only. They claimed that Rodger killed those women because society trains men to believe that they are entitled to women sexually as if they are prizes for having a penis. Camp B: Psychologists only. According to them, mental illness is to blame specifically Aspergers, likely combined with a conduct disorder. Camp C (a statistically null camp) was (mostly) men who only appeared in youtube comments to express their solidarity with Rodgers. They sympathize with the pain of rejection and threaten women to not reject men. For obvious reasons, I will not be defending Camp C though they do play an important role in the discussion.
There is no way the shootings were ONLY because Rodger was a misogynist or ONLY because he may have been mentally ill. I read this transcript of Rodger's suicide video: http://www.cnn.com/2014/05/24/us/elliot-rodger-video-transcript/. Give it a look, his views of women have certainly been molded by our patriarchal society that teaches men to use women. If you're not going to read the whole thing, here's a sample: "You girls have never been attracted to me. I don't know why you girls aren't attracted to me, but I will punish you all for it. It's an injustice, a crime, because... I don't know what you don't see in me. " Obviously not the words of the respectful "gentleman" he claims to be 3 lines later. Because tumblr and google exist, I'm not going to take more time to explain why this is definitely a feminist issue that deserves attention as such.
However it is undeniably also an issue of disability and mental illness. Every man gets rejected by someone at some point in his life. Not every man shoots up a school. When someone is "mentally healthy" they do not chose to murder 7 people and then take their own life. That is not a statistically typical reaction to rejection (though it does happen frequently enough that we need to take it seriously). I'm not a psychologist and I did not know Rodger on a personal clinical level, but after reading his suicide transcript, I would venture to guess that he was not emotionally well. And not in a typical, "everyday disappointment" kind of way, but in an antisocial personality disorder kind of way. Thankfully, we are finally starting to give mental illnesses like depression and anxiety validation and understanding. Antisocial personality disorder and other conduct disorders deserve this same visibility. This is a really ugly side of psychological problems. I think we ignore them because they're less common and so uncomfortable to think about. By acknowledging that this Rodger probably suffered from a conduct disorder we are NOT justifying his actions or ignoring the other social factors (such as feminism) at play. Rather, we are looking at the whole picture instead of oversimplifying a complex situation.
Though less of a diagnostic factor, social media has overwhelmingly ignored Rodger's asperger's syndrome diagnosis. A year ago Rodger's parents reported that he was being harassed in school and was pushed off a balcony, potentially by his peers in an act of bullying. His suicide video is all about how the kids he goes to school with are cruel to him. Asperger's is more of a secondary factor, but could this not have been prevented if people understood more about autism and other diagnosis that severely effect social functioning? I am not saying that Rodger's classmates are at fault or that their deaths are justified. But if we can place blame on the social ill that is the patriarchy, can we not also place some blame our society's ignorance of people with autism spectrum disorders?
Also, gun control. No one is talking about gun control. I'm not going to because I want to focus on the social issues and frankly I haven't researched it enough to form an educated opinion. But again, we are ignoring so many factors in this case.
It upsets me that people are so eager to pick a side and ignore the big picture. Seven people were killed, many more were injured, and one committed suicide. This is far more complex than a battle between whether this is a feminist or ablest issue. To simplify it to a battle between politics means we are not respecting the situation seriously enough to look at the grey areas that no one is comfortable discussing.
This IS a feminist issue, this IS an issue of mental health awareness, and this IS an issue of gun control. Among countless other factors that I'm not going to go into detail about.
With that said, I would love to hear your thoughts if you disagree with my point of view on this whole thing. But please, lets make it a discussion rather than an accusation.
Kait
Friday, May 9, 2014
College Graduation!
Whooooooo!!!!!
Done with formal schooling 5ever!!!!
I'm really excited about this if you can't tell. I don't really have anything prolific to say but it feels important enough to warrant some from of blog update. I much prefer this to high school graduation. Way less of a production. Plus our gowns looked so much better than the grey sack I had to wear at Parma. The one wardrobe mistake I did make was forgetting to buy nice shoes to wear under it. So I wore pants and boots. Which I thought looked collegiate and badass, until I got there and realized that my roommate Emily and I were two of three chicks in pants. Even then I still thought it looked collegiate and badass, so actually I don't care. But again, worth noting. Unless you want to be in a very small minority, wear a dress ladies. Proceeded to take a whole bunch of pictures, I'm looking at the correct camera in maybe four of them. Maybe.
Mostly I feel like I just put a huge stamp of completion over a huge phase of my life. All I have left to do at Loyola proper is a little bit of costume shop business and them I'm wrapped up. Similar to the feeling when you finally finish all your assignments for a term and you get to go on winter break. But this time I know that I don't have to apply for classes or order books or anything. Sweet sweet relief.
Plus I just transferred most of my important emails to gmail, and figured out how to organize my gmail. I'm not going to lie, I didn't realize you could organize your email. Like I always thought it was either in your inbox or you deleted it. And since the internet is a limitless black hole, I just left everything in there. Then I heard my friends who work in administration critiquing each other's email organization and I was like, shit I need to google some things. Long story short, I feel that I have absolutely entered adulthood because my inbox is nearly empty.
That pretty much wraps it up. My parents left and were like, "alright, go party it up" and I was like, "I got up at 7 this morning. I'm going to watch netflix." Goodnight.
Kaitlyn
Done with formal schooling 5ever!!!!
I'm really excited about this if you can't tell. I don't really have anything prolific to say but it feels important enough to warrant some from of blog update. I much prefer this to high school graduation. Way less of a production. Plus our gowns looked so much better than the grey sack I had to wear at Parma. The one wardrobe mistake I did make was forgetting to buy nice shoes to wear under it. So I wore pants and boots. Which I thought looked collegiate and badass, until I got there and realized that my roommate Emily and I were two of three chicks in pants. Even then I still thought it looked collegiate and badass, so actually I don't care. But again, worth noting. Unless you want to be in a very small minority, wear a dress ladies. Proceeded to take a whole bunch of pictures, I'm looking at the correct camera in maybe four of them. Maybe.
Mostly I feel like I just put a huge stamp of completion over a huge phase of my life. All I have left to do at Loyola proper is a little bit of costume shop business and them I'm wrapped up. Similar to the feeling when you finally finish all your assignments for a term and you get to go on winter break. But this time I know that I don't have to apply for classes or order books or anything. Sweet sweet relief.
Plus I just transferred most of my important emails to gmail, and figured out how to organize my gmail. I'm not going to lie, I didn't realize you could organize your email. Like I always thought it was either in your inbox or you deleted it. And since the internet is a limitless black hole, I just left everything in there. Then I heard my friends who work in administration critiquing each other's email organization and I was like, shit I need to google some things. Long story short, I feel that I have absolutely entered adulthood because my inbox is nearly empty.
That pretty much wraps it up. My parents left and were like, "alright, go party it up" and I was like, "I got up at 7 this morning. I'm going to watch netflix." Goodnight.
Kaitlyn
Monday, May 5, 2014
Date A Girl Who Dances. The Rebuttal.
Hello Friends.
I just finished my final final of college! I'm not feeling the least bit sentimental about it right now, but I'm sure there will be some mushy blogs in the month to come.
The end of the semester means that I finally have time to deconstruct this article I stumbled upon on facebook. I've been waiting for weeks. Here's a link to it: http://www.buzzfeed.com/steffirina/date-a-girl-who-dances-op3t The article, called "Date A Girl Who Dances, is written by Steffi Carter. At first read, I was embarrassed by her portrayal of dancers, but through further examination I found it littered with red flags as it relates to feminism and dance culture.
Let's jump right in, shall we?
The Title: "Date A Girl Who Dances"
YES. All about this. I am a girl. I dance. You should date me. Absolutely on board.
Well. It's downhill from here. You absolutely should read the whole thing, but I'll give you my highlights.
"Date a girl whose eyes get glassy when assaulted by new music because she can’t help choreographing, casting, living and dying in her mind."
I can't shake the image of me at my first death metal concert. This is about the only time I have every been truly assaulted by a piece of music. And by assaulted I mean it was so suddenly loud that I almost fell over. I humiliated myself in a room full of folks that looked like they could eat me alive and I've made it a goal to not repeat the incident. I personally feel like I can handle listening to music. I mean, I can do the fucking splits. Music does not make me catatonic.
"Find a girl who dances. You’ll know that she does because she will seem to move endlessly. She will sway to the sounds of the city, fidget every few minutes, crack her knuckles and her neck, roll each wrist and cross the other leg just so she feels even. She will forget herself and where she is, the length of her skirt and the strangeness of what she’s about to do when something falls from her lovely, articulate hands to the floor. She will not bend at the knees because she does not have to, folding instead at the waist to execute the kill. That’s the dancer. When she straightens, she will laugh at herself, and her collarbone will beg you waltz with her."
Ah. The illusive, mysterious dancer creature. A rare breed. Certainly not human. Certainly not fit to navigate the city without getting lost in the bustle. Very strange. Personally, I prefer to bend my knees to pick stuff up. Unless there's a cute girl behind me and I'm having a good butt day. What I'm getting at here is that I'm interpreting most of these qualities as negative and kind of crazy. I absolutely like to roll each wrist to feel even, but for me that's a residual ocd type habit that I personally don't want to glorify. And this "finding the dancer" game has a predator/prey feel that I am NOT into when it comes to dating.
"Such proximity to a pedestrian has reawakened an awareness of her abnormality; she had nearly forgotten, again, that not everyone needs a tutu to feel alive."
Mmm. Abnormal. Flattering.
"See if she cries when she doesn’t make the cut, and learn to anticipate what she needs before and after that audition. Remember what needs massaging, and when. Understand that it is a rare treat indeed for her to really be at rest, to have a day off from running to and from rehearsals, and to take a break from being beautiful."
Oh the patronizing! I can't! Please ladies, can we stop perpetuating this stereotype that we can't stand on our own two feet? I mean yeah, I have wept my way through many a post-callback situation, we've all been there, but give yourself some credit here! Many dancers can push their bodies very far physically and the professional performing world is full of bullshit that we just have to take. You're pretty damn strong. And this bit about taking a break from being beautiful? Please. The connection to female beauty standards doesn't bear deconstructing.
"Technically, she was never trained to talk. She was trained to listen. Let her speak when she finds her voice. Do not ask her to make sense."
Pardon? Never trained to talk? This tells young female dancers that they should keep quiet. Women's voices have been historically undervalued if not completely ignored. There have been WAVES of feminists who worked their asses off to give women more of a voice and I REFUSE to forfeit the progress we have made because I also happen to express myself through dance. Some of the most articulate people I have met are dancers. Setting the bar this low should not be something to aspire to.
"It’s easy to date a girl who dances. Give her ibuprofen in bulk for her birthday"
For the record, I prefer M&Ms and chewing gum. I can handle my own medical supplies thank you.
"Look at her. Stare."
But actually, please don't. I prefer not to be objectified. Thanks.
"Because she’s unreal. The human equivalent of a black cat, with that same mesmerizing and vaguely alarming quality in the way she slinks toward you."
Jesus. I am very real. I am not a fucking ethereal fairy thing. Side note, what about my slinky walk is alarming? The last thing I want to do when I am slinkying towards someone is alarm them.
"Date a girl who dances because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who adores everything you do, every little thing about you...This is a woman who rehearses for weeks on end for maybe one minute onstage — do you think she does anything because it is easy?"
That's right. Hey dancer, you thought this article would be about how great you are? Nope. It's about the other guy. He deserves you. You deserve...it's not in this article. Now go back to your slinking. This also suggests that the dancer is the one that puts all the energy into the relationship for very little payback. Do you really want that?
"You want a girl who bites off more than she can chew because she is the most flexible, most sensitive, most ambitious, most big-hearted of the bunch."
Well. I do happen to be pretty flexible. So if you're into that.
"You deserve a girl who doesn’t break easy, a girl who’s prepared for a bit of pain for the sake of of beauty."
Please God ladies, don't idolize pain in order to be beautiful. It's not healthy. Don't glorify pain in relationships either.
"She’ll embody the ebb and flow of that tide between well-established vanity and soul-crushing insecurity"
That's right, that triple pirouette makes you vain and soul-crushingly insecure. Best of both worlds really.
The End. But Not Actually.
Ok. That's the end of the article, but I have a few more general comments.
Firstly, I get it. This is a buzzfeed article. It doesn't need to be politically correct. And if you read the article and identified with it or liked it, you do you. I'm not going to tell you how to feel about something (she says after finishing a very opinionated blog). But at the same time, when an article like this gets a lot of attention, we need to acknowledge what it says about dancers and women in our culture. By othering dancers as these mysterious, inarticulate, mentally unstable, non-human creatures we are creating a potentially dangerous standard if universalized.
Also, this only addresses girls. And I understand that the title specifically implies this, but if you refer to "dancer" as only female, you're ignoring all the men and gender non-specified folks. They do exist. For the record.
*Before we end, I want to acknowledge that I'm throwing around words like "crazy" and "unstable" pretty casually. I want to be clear that I am not making a statement about mental illness. I have dealt with mental illness personally, with my family, and and among my friends and the topic itself needs more understanding an acceptance. But understanding and glorifying are two very different things. This article has a tone of glorifying this stigma of dancers as "crazy." And I don't like the stigma that creates for the community.
So yeah. Something to chew on. Mentally I guess. In response to this, I intend to write, "Date Me: A Dancer, The Un-universalized Take on Date A Girl Who Dances." Basically it will be the most self indulgent thing to grace the internet.
May the 4th be with you. A day after the fact.
Kaitlyn
I just finished my final final of college! I'm not feeling the least bit sentimental about it right now, but I'm sure there will be some mushy blogs in the month to come.
The end of the semester means that I finally have time to deconstruct this article I stumbled upon on facebook. I've been waiting for weeks. Here's a link to it: http://www.buzzfeed.com/steffirina/date-a-girl-who-dances-op3t The article, called "Date A Girl Who Dances, is written by Steffi Carter. At first read, I was embarrassed by her portrayal of dancers, but through further examination I found it littered with red flags as it relates to feminism and dance culture.
Let's jump right in, shall we?
The Title: "Date A Girl Who Dances"
YES. All about this. I am a girl. I dance. You should date me. Absolutely on board.
Well. It's downhill from here. You absolutely should read the whole thing, but I'll give you my highlights.
"Date a girl whose eyes get glassy when assaulted by new music because she can’t help choreographing, casting, living and dying in her mind."
I can't shake the image of me at my first death metal concert. This is about the only time I have every been truly assaulted by a piece of music. And by assaulted I mean it was so suddenly loud that I almost fell over. I humiliated myself in a room full of folks that looked like they could eat me alive and I've made it a goal to not repeat the incident. I personally feel like I can handle listening to music. I mean, I can do the fucking splits. Music does not make me catatonic.
"Find a girl who dances. You’ll know that she does because she will seem to move endlessly. She will sway to the sounds of the city, fidget every few minutes, crack her knuckles and her neck, roll each wrist and cross the other leg just so she feels even. She will forget herself and where she is, the length of her skirt and the strangeness of what she’s about to do when something falls from her lovely, articulate hands to the floor. She will not bend at the knees because she does not have to, folding instead at the waist to execute the kill. That’s the dancer. When she straightens, she will laugh at herself, and her collarbone will beg you waltz with her."
Ah. The illusive, mysterious dancer creature. A rare breed. Certainly not human. Certainly not fit to navigate the city without getting lost in the bustle. Very strange. Personally, I prefer to bend my knees to pick stuff up. Unless there's a cute girl behind me and I'm having a good butt day. What I'm getting at here is that I'm interpreting most of these qualities as negative and kind of crazy. I absolutely like to roll each wrist to feel even, but for me that's a residual ocd type habit that I personally don't want to glorify. And this "finding the dancer" game has a predator/prey feel that I am NOT into when it comes to dating.
"Such proximity to a pedestrian has reawakened an awareness of her abnormality; she had nearly forgotten, again, that not everyone needs a tutu to feel alive."
Mmm. Abnormal. Flattering.
"See if she cries when she doesn’t make the cut, and learn to anticipate what she needs before and after that audition. Remember what needs massaging, and when. Understand that it is a rare treat indeed for her to really be at rest, to have a day off from running to and from rehearsals, and to take a break from being beautiful."
Oh the patronizing! I can't! Please ladies, can we stop perpetuating this stereotype that we can't stand on our own two feet? I mean yeah, I have wept my way through many a post-callback situation, we've all been there, but give yourself some credit here! Many dancers can push their bodies very far physically and the professional performing world is full of bullshit that we just have to take. You're pretty damn strong. And this bit about taking a break from being beautiful? Please. The connection to female beauty standards doesn't bear deconstructing.
"Technically, she was never trained to talk. She was trained to listen. Let her speak when she finds her voice. Do not ask her to make sense."
Pardon? Never trained to talk? This tells young female dancers that they should keep quiet. Women's voices have been historically undervalued if not completely ignored. There have been WAVES of feminists who worked their asses off to give women more of a voice and I REFUSE to forfeit the progress we have made because I also happen to express myself through dance. Some of the most articulate people I have met are dancers. Setting the bar this low should not be something to aspire to.
"It’s easy to date a girl who dances. Give her ibuprofen in bulk for her birthday"
For the record, I prefer M&Ms and chewing gum. I can handle my own medical supplies thank you.
"Look at her. Stare."
But actually, please don't. I prefer not to be objectified. Thanks.
"Because she’s unreal. The human equivalent of a black cat, with that same mesmerizing and vaguely alarming quality in the way she slinks toward you."
Jesus. I am very real. I am not a fucking ethereal fairy thing. Side note, what about my slinky walk is alarming? The last thing I want to do when I am slinkying towards someone is alarm them.
"Date a girl who dances because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who adores everything you do, every little thing about you...This is a woman who rehearses for weeks on end for maybe one minute onstage — do you think she does anything because it is easy?"
That's right. Hey dancer, you thought this article would be about how great you are? Nope. It's about the other guy. He deserves you. You deserve...it's not in this article. Now go back to your slinking. This also suggests that the dancer is the one that puts all the energy into the relationship for very little payback. Do you really want that?
"You want a girl who bites off more than she can chew because she is the most flexible, most sensitive, most ambitious, most big-hearted of the bunch."
Well. I do happen to be pretty flexible. So if you're into that.
"You deserve a girl who doesn’t break easy, a girl who’s prepared for a bit of pain for the sake of of beauty."
Please God ladies, don't idolize pain in order to be beautiful. It's not healthy. Don't glorify pain in relationships either.
"She’ll embody the ebb and flow of that tide between well-established vanity and soul-crushing insecurity"
That's right, that triple pirouette makes you vain and soul-crushingly insecure. Best of both worlds really.
The End. But Not Actually.
Ok. That's the end of the article, but I have a few more general comments.
Firstly, I get it. This is a buzzfeed article. It doesn't need to be politically correct. And if you read the article and identified with it or liked it, you do you. I'm not going to tell you how to feel about something (she says after finishing a very opinionated blog). But at the same time, when an article like this gets a lot of attention, we need to acknowledge what it says about dancers and women in our culture. By othering dancers as these mysterious, inarticulate, mentally unstable, non-human creatures we are creating a potentially dangerous standard if universalized.
Also, this only addresses girls. And I understand that the title specifically implies this, but if you refer to "dancer" as only female, you're ignoring all the men and gender non-specified folks. They do exist. For the record.
*Before we end, I want to acknowledge that I'm throwing around words like "crazy" and "unstable" pretty casually. I want to be clear that I am not making a statement about mental illness. I have dealt with mental illness personally, with my family, and and among my friends and the topic itself needs more understanding an acceptance. But understanding and glorifying are two very different things. This article has a tone of glorifying this stigma of dancers as "crazy." And I don't like the stigma that creates for the community.
So yeah. Something to chew on. Mentally I guess. In response to this, I intend to write, "Date Me: A Dancer, The Un-universalized Take on Date A Girl Who Dances." Basically it will be the most self indulgent thing to grace the internet.
May the 4th be with you. A day after the fact.
Kaitlyn
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