The Evolution of my Undying Love for Tegan and Sara

HEY!

Guys. There are TWO BLOGS today. I'm freakin out. Two of them. This is mostly due to the fact that my project at work this week has been to alphabetize and organize files. So I've had a whole lot of time to think up interesting things to write about!

Here's something we haven't done lately

Quote Of The Day! (obviously from the depths of my filing) "D...da..still aaaa...more a's..Da OH De...good de de de de de de de DI! diiiii. i. iiiiiii. dib. dic...dick...DICK lolololololololol I'm a fourteen year old boy...dick"

I may or may not have lost my mind.

Anyway, filing was super great. No joke, I love organizing stuff and it wasn't bad to work alone for a few days. Another perk of filing is that I got to listen to music all day long! You can probably guess by the title where this is going.

The Evolution of my Undying Love for Tegan and Sara.

Part I: Humble Beginnings. 
Early sophomore year of college, I was just starting to face up to the fact that maybe I was sort of kind of into girls. My roommate introduced me to afterellen.com, a wonderful pop culture site for gay ladies. As a was perusing the various articles and conversation threads I kept coming across the band Tegan and Sara. So I googled them and found this:

Inner monologue: "Well...I'm definitely gay." 

Part 2: Youtube Stalking 

Lesbihonest. You can't look at that picture and then not look them up on youtube. What I found did not disappoint. When they started giving concerts, they didn't have enough material to fill a set. So they incorporated adorable witty banter. And it stuck. Let me tell you, it's a treat. They are so smart, and witty, and funny. Sara does book reviews. I mean come on. What began as an innocent google pretty quickly grew to the initial flames of fan-girl-dom. 

Part 3: Music.

I'm not going to lie to you. This is kindof hard for me to write. But when I first listened to their music, I was like, "what is this? Their voices sound like dying puppies." But God, I just really love them. This put me in a real moral pickle of trying to rationalize how to be a Tegan and Sara fan without actually liking their music. But fear not. I resolved it. 

Part 4: Acoustic 19. 

I grappled for weeks with the fact that I was pseudo objectifying these artists by crushing so hard on them but dismissing their music. As an artist myself I felt particularly guilty. Then it happened. One of my friends posted the following link to facebook:

 

I was neck deep into my Mumford phase at the time and this just struck a chord (pun) with me. I love this song and I totally connected to it and I may or may not have had like a super happy cry in my bed whilst listening to it. 

Anyway. 

This lead to my googling acoustic versions of all their songs. I fell in love with the lyrics and artistry of everything I listened to. With time, their regular, un-acoustic sound became more appealing. 

The obsession was justified. And this is where things get good. 

Part 5: Things Get Good.

As previously mentioned, my dear friend Sara has all of Tegan and Sara's music. And she is the greatest person ever because she shared it with me. The library helped out here too. There was a tiny moment of bad feelings for not actually paying for their music, but I am college poor. When I have money, I will actually see them in concert, purchase their albums, and support their art. 

Part 6: Running. 

So this summer I was jobless for like a month. Which if you read my previous blogs, mostly consisted of me running and biking. Guess what became my new running song? The Con. The whole album. In love. I could relate to all of their songs and never got tired of listening to them. I listened to it today. While filing. Rocked out pretty hard.

Part 7: The Con.

So take a tiny hop backwards chronologically. When I got The Con album from the library it came with an extra disk. A disk containing "The Con, The Documentary." Hold. The. Phone. This has combined so many of my favorite things into one shiny dvd. 

Documentary, Check

Music, Check

Witty Banter, Check

Trivia, Check

Their adorableness for 2 hours. Check

Need I say more?

Part 8: The Soon to be Viewed Documentary "Get Along."

That's right. They made another documentary. And I will find it. And I will watch it. Probably ten to fifteen times. Maybe within the same 24 hours. Whose to say. 

The Moment I Chose to Be Gay

Hi All.

So this whole gay rights thing. What? DOMA and prop8? I mean, all those homos choose to be gay just to get attention right?

Oops! You got us!

Here's all the reasons I chose to be gay:

1) I wasn't having much luck finding a dude to date. I mean they only make up 50% of the population. So instead I thought to myself, lets go for the 1% of women who identify as lesbians. Challenge accepted.

2) As a socially anxious, introverted person, the lesbian dating pool is perfect for me. Culturally, in heterosexual pairings the men do all the initiating. Not here! I have to learn how to make moves! How great! I'm super good at it to... it's not even the most uncomfortable thing I've ever put myself and another human through. Definitely not.

3) Having kids the natural way is too simple. And inexpensive. I would much rather throw down thousands of dollars to have sperm shot up my lady bits than just take a romp in the sack.

4) Did I mention paperwork? Adoption social services? Love that shit.

5) Did you know that 90% of what girls talk about is boys? (85% of what boys talk about is girls in case anyone was wondering) Well I love having little to nothing to contribute to 90% of conversations. It's nice just to sit alone with my thoughts.

6) Did you realize how many religions absolutely hate the homosexuals? It's nuts! Well trust me, it pleases me so much to anger and terrify billions of otherwise friendly, peace loving church goers. I feel so special when they scream slurs at me through their megaphones. Truly touching.

7) If you know me at all, you know how much I love to tell everyone my private business. I also love being the center of attention and dropping potentially huge news bombs on people. You know the perfect way to grab the attention of a room? Tell um your gay. It's so great.

8) It's really exhilarating knowing that I held jobs in states where I could actually be fired for being gay. Feels like a high stakes spy movie.

9) I'm really non-conformist. So I chopped off all my hair and started wearing more flannel. Now I fit the stereotypes of every other gay lady on the planet. Mission accomplished.

10) Hundreds of gay teens get kicked out of their parents houses when they come out. They are rejected by their families, friends, sometimes whole communities. Can you think of a better way to just start over! Literally being homeless for a few months. That sounds great. Unfortunately, my parents and most of my friends were totally supportive. What a drag.


Well, there you have it. Convinced? If you want to give it a try, just fake it till ya make it. Never mind that you're not in love and don't have feelings for the people you're with and are basically going into their private squares with no motivation. That's not unfair to them at all. And think of all the attention you'll garner. Definitely worth it.

Kait


*DISCLAIMER*
I hate disclaimers because they stomp all over the sarcasm that is absolutely oozing from this post. But I want to be very very clear. You know how you didn't choose to be straight? No one chooses to be gay. Also, I realize that this might present a grim view of the gay community. Or maybe it looks like I am having a hell of a time dealing with it. It's a joke guys. I'm actually super happy in LGBTQA culture. And while I still feel like a fish out of water when it comes to dating, I have had nothing but good experiences, understanding women, and super fun dates. Winning.

Intro to Homosexuality

Alright then.

So every time I log onto my computer, I have these little pings of guilt for not writing any pride blogs. I see that I am one day closer to the end of pride month and my blog has yet to reflect the insane amount of gay stuff I have done in the past few weeks.

To name a few:
1) I have nearly all of Tegan and Sara's albums and have listened to them top to bottom. It's been my running soundtrack. Thus my runs have been extra angsty this month. Thank you Sara Augustinas for facilitating this.
2) Went to Pride Fest. Saw some great drag. Enjoyed myself immensely.
3) Priced out rainbow suspenders.
4) Watched the first 3 episodes of "The Fosters" and then read the recaps on afterellen.
5) Realized that I have rehearsal during the parade. Wept. Quickly formulated a plan to haul ass from Willmette to Boystown decked out in said suspenders in under an hour to catch the tail end of the parade. Or at least the after party.

So writing this blog kinda feels like I'm beating a dead horse. Not to mention, there are so many LGBTQIA (it's a mouthful, I know, but I'm gonna keep using it.) resources out there that basically share my perspective. Really I'm trying to debate how best to blog about this without repeating what you can read by simply googling "LGBTQIA."

So I'm going to take the personal angle on this first one. I say first because I want to write more about LGBTQIA specific issues, but I feel like I should get everyone on the same page first. I think the best way to do this is to tell some silly coming out stories. With a more serious wrap up. So if nothing more, skip the funny stuff and read my last paragraph. Cool? Cool.

Leggo.

Kaitlyn Stumbles Out of the Closet and Tells You all the Faux Pas that Followed. 

1. Come on Already. This is definitely my preferred method of alerting people that I'm into girls. The key to this one was to drop as many hints as you possible can without actually coming out and saying you're gay. For example, I made it a habit of selecting the gayest looking outfits, hairstyles, conversation topics, etc to bring to every family function. I have like a 6 for 7 stereotype ratio that must be filled. If a Christmas spent in combat boots, flannel, spiked hair, impractically short nails doesn't scream "RAINBOW" I don't know what does.

2. Kay Byeeeeeeeee. Another wimpy way to come out of the closet. Did this one with my parents. I was in town for a weekend. Told um Sunday night 4 hours before my bus left. They, of course, were totally fine with it. Nothing says, "I'm comfortable with my sexuality" like throwing it at someone and running five hours away :)

3. Party Foul. This is my second favorite story. I was at a party with some coworkers last summer, most of whom I was not out to. One particularly attractive gentleman was pretty drunk and started hitting on me. I had just closed a run of CATS and was in no mood to flirt so when asked if he could kiss me instead of saying, "Nope" or "don't feel like it" or "too tired" I went for "I'm gay." Shouted it nice and loud above the music. As luck would have it, mili-seconds before the words left my mouth the song ended and it got nice and quiet. Really this should not have been as embarrassing as it was for me, but the coincidence was just too much.

4. The Greatest Moment of My Life. This is my actual favorite story. Came out to one of my closest college friends literally seconds after she came out to me. I think time actually slowed down. We spent the next two hours discussing crushes, coming out stories, and how thrilled we were that we had someone else going through the same stuff.

5. YOU'RE WHAT? I hate this so much. And I'm sure I've done this to other people. And I apologize. But when someone comes out to you and you look at them like they've suddenly sprouted another head, it's really awkward.

6. 20 Questions. I get that gay stuff is sometimes unfamiliar to people. I was completely uninformed until I started doing some research a few years ago. So it's normal to have questions. It's not normal to ask personal questions. Questions are great when appropriate. I love answering questions about gender, orientation, community, sex stuff, whatever. But for the love of God don't ask me about my personal sexual experiences if you just met me. I mean, come on now. When is that ever appropriate. Literally never.


Ok here's The Takeaway. In my experience, the best people to come out to (also the best allies) are people who have gay friends. Close. Gay. Friends. (did you pick up the emphasis there?) Both men and women. It's 2013, you will not be publicly stoned for being a straight person in a gay establishment. You don't know everything about the gay community if you ate lunch last week with that lesbian in your office or you went shopping with your gay best friend (I'm sorry, I almost gagged on the stereotype but I'm trying to prove a point). If we're going to stop gay bullying, transphobia, marriage inequality, etc, everyone needs to get more informed. I know it's asking a lot, but acceptance and tolerance are not enough. Not enough to make actual change anyway. I think friendship is the way in here. Make some gay friends. *Note, not token gay friends, actual friends.

Pride is this weekend guys. Wink wink nudge nudge.

With that, Happy Pride! Wish me luck in my biking like 15 miles at  top speed to catch the parade! I hope you all celebrate too.

Kait

Not. Sleeping.

Hello. Kaitlyn reporting for duty from a delusional 12:59 in the am of tomorrow.

Quote of the day: "This is a stupid idea, Mt. Dew at 10pm... gonna drink it anyway."

AND HERE WE ARE. Hello 1am. I would really love to sleep. But I am way too awake for that. So instead, I'm writing. Actually, this one is really your loss because I'm not a "well rested" awake, I'm a chemically awake. So my brain isn't actually functioning high enough to compose anything worth reading, but it's way too strung out to sleep.

Ugh. I shouldn't even publish this, but I think it's going to happen.

So. Here is a list of my activities and musings I've had whilst trying to get my brain to chill out long enough for me to slip into unconsciousness.

Butter. Actually, this was a pre "I should go to bed" activity. My roommate and I watched this movie called "Butter." And it is awesome. It's literally a parody comedy about a butter carving contest. Also Olivia Wilde plays a hooker. So there's that.

Hunger Games. I never have time to read. Now I do. So I've been reading the Hunger Games series. I recommend it. On the second book. So good. Read that for an hour or so.

Sexual Intelligence. The title of an awful sexumentary I "watched" on hulu. By "watched" I mean skipped around because it was uncomfortable and hosted by someone who was apparently on Sex and the City. Never liked the show. That's a lie, never watched the show. But watched the movies. And hated them passionately. And vocally.

Evangelism. This is a non-sequitor after my Hunger Games reading. I went into my purse to get something to spit my gum into and came across what I can only describe as a bible spark note that I received from an angry man with a mean sign on Halstead a few weeks ago. This got me thinking about Evangelical Christianity. As someone who has not been saved, I have lots of questions on the matter. Like how can you be so sure? And why would God only save the western Christians? What about the Native Americans? So many of my ideas about spirituality come from Native American stories my parents read to me when I was little. This doesn't make me wrong. or right. But it does make me angry that this notion of being saved is not accessible to everyone. Like why would God try to save the entire world, but leave off a whole continent that no one knew existed?  Also, are there any people who have been "Saved" and then...un-saved? Is that a thing? Do they just stop "feelin' it?" Are there people who try really really really hard to be saved but it just never happens for them? Or do they fake it? I could see someone faking it or convincing themselves they'd been saved when God was really just like, "nope, haven't figured it out yet..try harder." Is the nature of being saved an actual thing or is it just a psychological state? Are certain people pre-disposed to being saved? Does it run in families? Is it genetic? Or is it more of a "nurture" thing? Is it appropriate to ask people about this very personal, profound spiritual experience? I don't want to offend anyone but I'm so curious as to what it's all about.

I don't want that paragraph to attach any connotations to Christians. And I'm sorry if this is reading one way or another. It just blows my mind that there's a group of people who have all shared this religious experience. I just want to know way more about it. Like I want to know everything there is to know about Christianity.

Maybe I should read the bible. I just felt entire congregations of people's eye's roll. Don't judge me till you've read my book of Native American creation stories. Then we can talk.

Gay Stuff. Mostly because this is generally where my brain goes after mulling over Christianity. Also because the guy that gave me the sparknotes bible was hot and bothered about the gays on Halstead. Most of this concerns what I want to blog about for pride month. Here's my ideas:
        A) The exclusivity of (as I've deemed it) the "Queer Vocabulary." Why I love it and hate it.
        B) The "Second Puberty" phenomenon.
        C) Feminism. Whatever that means.
        D) How angry I am at gay people when they hate Christians, and how angry I get at Christians when they hate gay people. Or don't support gay marriage in the legal sense. Legal sense. Separation of church and state. I can't make a coherent argument for it now, but sometime this month I will.

The Pride!!! Cause I'm seeing it tomorrow. And I've heard it's really intense. And I love really intense theatre.

How psyched I am to go home this weekend. Cause I haven't seen my extended fam in a few months. And it's due time. Also, to run with my dad and recap the Tony's with my mom. And to see my friends. Cause I miss them.

Nervous. This is just what happens when I know I should be asleep but I can't sleep.

Blogging! "I am super bored, and super want to be tired, and feel like writing. But nothing of actual substance, just thoughts." - Kaitlyn at approx 12:57am.

And here we are. I have produced possibly the most worthless blog entry in the history of the world? And that's really saying something because this is the internet, and there is some awful stuff out there.

uh alright. I'm sorry about the shoddy quality of my recent blogs. I'm 99% sure that my next entry will be my queer vocab blog. And that will be good. And worth reading. Bare with me. Or is it Bear with me? No, bear with me would be like telling someone to be a bear and be with me. Nope, just googled it, it's bear with me. Bare with me would be an invitation to take your clothes off.

I mean, we could do that too.

Good God. If this shows up when people google me, I will be really sad.

Ok. I should try to sleep. Better blog soon. I promise. I'm organizing my thoughts on the queer vocab. Stay tuned.

Kait.

Not a Gay Blog.

It's June. 

June is pride month. 

For my confused (pun) readers, "pride" as in "gay pride". month. 

Soooo I have to write a gay blog. 

I mean I don't have to, but I'm going to. 

But THIS is not that blog. 

THIS (I'm diggin the caps) is a reminder to myself to actually write a gay blog. 

I have lots of ideas. 

From the personal to the political. 

Or I could go all Carol Hanisch (No parenthetical explanation here, google her) on you. 

Chicago Pride Festival is the 22-23. Expect something around then. 

Or maybe I'll just do a whole series of queer blogs leading up to it. 

It's gonna be good. 

And far less fragmented than this post. 

The End. 

Kaitlyn 

So I haven't started my summer job quite yet

And I'm bored out of my mind. If you haven't gathered from knowing me as a human outside of online, I'm really awful at relaxing and enjoying indeterminably long spans of time without scheduled activities. Like this one. 2 weeks at the most. Antsy.

So antsy that I nearly started to pen my ongoing love/appreciation letter to Sara Quin. Hopefully blogging will keep me from fangirl-ing out, at least for a few days. Not making any promises. Oh but sweet Jesus it feels like there is nothing to blog about! I like to focus my blogs on whatever specific topic is occupying most of my brain synapses, but right now I don't have a unified topic. That said, there's been plenty of interesting things happening in my neck of the woods, so I guess I can sum that up for ya.

I don't want this to bore you though, SO I have just now decided that it would be fun to write this in storybook form. With clever titles to guide you through the events of the past month. :)

Ch. The First: No Pants! 
So my job this summer, aside from whatever stitching jobs I can pick up (wink wink nudge nudge any Chicago theatre professionals who find themselves reading this) I'm going to be cleaning lockers and helping organize classrooms at an Orthodox Jewish school nearby.

Funny story. I went in for my interview with the tried and true "wear what you would wear on the job to the interview." For me, this was a nice t-shirt and my bright orange cords. However, as soon as I walked into the school, I knew something was up. I couldn't find the office and everyone I asked gave me a funny look up and down. Now, when you look at me, the words "orthodox" or "Jewish" don't really come to mind, but I didn't think I stuck out too bad. Then I figured it out. Everyone was in skirts that covered their knees. Literally all the women were in skirts. Even the staff. My choice of lower body coverage was not only a pair of pants, but a bright ass pair of pants. Might have stuck out a tad. They were very polite about explaining their dress code to me at the end of the interview though.

Not as Funny, Story #2. I own 1 skirt and it is super short. When I went thrifting to buy my "work skirt" as I have affectionately nicknamed it, I found so many adorable, cheap flannels. Took me 5 hours to find a skirt I deemed acceptable to wear out of a costume party. For the most part every skirt I tried on I was like, "well this doesn't look right." Probably because I haven't worn long skirts since a brief period in 6th grade when I though I would try to pull off the 1950s look.

More funny than the previous, Story #3. I did have one extended period of dress wearing. All I would wear from ages 4 to 5 were dresses. They provided SO much more leg mobility than jeans! I could climb trees, fences, probably buildings if given the opportunity, with the flexibility afforded to me by my dresses! Coincidentally my dresses phase coincided with my commando phase. I distinctly remember the preschool calling my mother...more than once. Needless to say, as soon as she introduced me to leggings there was no going back. Much to the chagrin of my mother, the dress phase was over.


Chapter Numero Dos: Ate it in front of Campus Police.
This summer has brought so many fun things to Chicago. Temperatures above zero is one of them. However, it has stripped me of one of my prized possessions: my upass. No free transit for this lady. My solution has been to bike everywhere. Literally everywhere. I biked to U of C on the south side. One time. Almost died.

Today I biked out to Wilmette to pick up my materials for Cabaret (plugplugplugplugpluglightoperaworks). Yesterday my dad helped me mount my new seat onto my bike, it's very nice and springy I might add. As I was riding, on a sidewalk for a few meters thank God, I noticed that the seat was a bit off center. Naturally I took my hand off the handlebar to smack the seat into adjustment. Unfortunately the springs in my seat reacted rather poorly. I lost control of the front handlebars, really fought for it, and then crash landed on cobblestone and flower bed. In front of campus police. To make matters worse, I was wearing my attention grabbing sunshine yellow bucket helmet. I probably looked like an uncoordinated escapee from some Chicagoland rock climbing expedition.

When I face plant, which is pretty frequently, I spring right back up and keep going (it's a dancer thing, you'll know it when you see it. It's pretty spectacular in performance) as if it didn't happen. This usually elicits a few weird looks from concerned passerby. Basically the same thing here. "My arm's not bleeding, I'm just biking, you saw nothing, I'm laughing at myself, EVERYTHING'S FINE!"

Anyway. Super embarrassing.

Third Chapter: Moving Day. 
This blog is pretty special because it's the inaugural blog of our new apartment! Herein deemed....we don't have a name yet. BUT as of 1 hour ago we have a bathroom sink! Small victories. Basically we moved like 6 apartments down the street from where we live now. It was a relatively smooth move and we're settling in quite nicely.

So far, this nameless baby apartment has won my affection over the stomping ground (our previous pad) in so many ways. Here's the list:

1. No rodent feces
2. Hot water on our first night
3. It doesn't smell like cat piss
4. The floors don't slant
5. We have doors

In summary, we now have basic living conditions. But probably the best thing about this apartment is the string of excellent quotes from our building supervisor as he was trying to unclog our sink:

"Don't worry, you gotta do whatcha gotta do"
"Put that in the toilet"
"Why don't you finish your sentences and then shut the f*ck up" (to his phone)

And last, but not least: "Well it was hard going in and hard coming out"

Chapter 4: Friends.
Well, one friend. And her name is Nicole. She came to visit! And we tore it up, let me tell you. I dragged her all over Chicago (read, no upass) and we walked all over the place. Miles. To Hamburger Mary's and back totally inebriated. We peed illegally in a Subway (calm down, not the train. That's reserved for emergencies only) and crossed many streets away from the corner. Think about that the next time you call one of us square. We hunted down a bottle of root beer liquor and went to the aquarium. Super fun visit.

Chapter 5: I have been to 7-11 everyday this week
That's less of a story and more of a sad fact. I'm now on a friendly basis with the cashiers there.

Chapter 6: Recreational Reading
Just finished The Hunger Games. Loved it. Can't wait to bike my ass downtown to get the next one. I love just having time to read before bed. It's so great. Started "Good People" this morning. So far so good.

Chapter 7: Pride is in a few weeks...or all month long
Cleveland's pride was...meh... 10 dollars and looked kinda lame. Sorry Cleveland. You're cool in other ways. But I have high hopes for Chicago. If nothing else because I had a chat with an angry evangelical gentleman about how gay Halstead is.  Should make for a good festival. I'm considering buying a rainbow tie and suspenders...I could pull that off.


Well I think that's a good place to stop. Mostly because I'm meeting my dear friend Ian for dinner. And I'm pretty jazzed. And pretty hungry. I keep misspelling hungry as hungary. College. Am I right? I hope your summer's are going equally well.

Peace out home skillets.

Kaitlyn